Dear Alma, My ex is cancelling our concerts
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
My ex-girlfriend is cancelling all our joint concerts, what should I do? It’s becoming publicly embarrassing because she doesn’t cancel all at once, she cancels each concert at the last possible minute, and each time the local press has to write about it, again, and audience members complain, again, and management is unhappy, again, and my agent is unhappy, again, and it makes me look bad even though I’m the one keeping my half of the commitment
Miserable, again
Dear Miserable, again,
Thank you for posting your query in the comments section on April 7. It states that your name is Chet, which throws a wrench in the whole darned thing. We were pretty sure you were a dashing young thing from Suomi, and then, scratching our chins for inspiration, we made the leap that your ex is a slightly older, really hot lady from PEK. Or, perhaps (it has been known to happen), you have cleverly disguised your identity by putting in that charmingly common Finish name of “Chet” as a pseudonym. And we here at SD are honored that you have chosen us as the person to come to in your time of need. That’s what we are here for, Chet.
I will now do my best to answer your intriguing love/work dilemma.
So you had a workplace romance. No need to state the obvious, but don’t do that again. However, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the lifetime of daydreams you made possible with your adorable social media posts …… (moment of silence for us to remember).
From the outside, it seems as if you are conducting yourself, Chet, in a professional manner. You always look freshly showered, with intriguingly tailored clothes. It’s your wounded ex (you must have really stomped hard on her heart) that comes off as unprofessional and unstable. You are honoring your obligations, and she is only hurting herself with these behaviors.
Miserable, again, are things still too hot to reach out to your ex (let’s call them “Marge”) and see if you can manage a truce? You could have your manager contact Marge’s manager and try to set up a mediated discussion. You could discuss the possibility of working together, what that could look like, and have a list of parameters that you would both agree to (no shared dressing room space, for example, no eye contact during work).
Chet, if things still need time to cool off between you and Marge, give it time. The audiences understand that this is beyond your control, and we feel the pain of your breakup. And your manager certainly can’t have anything to complain about, not really. You are the golden child with the golden baton. Just remember to not use that baton after working hours from now on.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
There comes a time when all guys learn that it’s the woman that wears the trousers and pull the strings in any relationship, and often still when that relationship is over. Accept it.
Not sure I have ever seen her wearing trousers, but like your point.
Of course! Who else could wear them? Formerly we ruled the world from behind the screens of respecability but now we are fighting in the open. It was about time, we were always patriarchically suppressed.
Sally
Sally, Sally, Sally. What a bitter look at love you have.
Really? Why do I question the veracity of this letter? We just can’t let go, can we?
No Yujast can’t let go.
I wasn’t referring to her. 😉
You are silly. Of course it is fake. But fun!!
Is this from Klaus Mäkelä?
Do you honestly think so? Really?
Edit: typed in haste, this should have read: ‘is this supposed to be from…’ Even so, stupid question. One further second of thinking and I wouldn’t have bothered.
It’s about Chet and Marge!
Yes of course it is. He is a huge Alma fan!!!
Yes of course it is. He is a huge Alma fan!!!
We have an expression here in the vulgar United States, Golden Child. Substituting a more printable verb starting with the letter “F ” for the actual word used in the expression, it goes, “Fiddled around and found out.” When you fiddle around with a work colleague and then fiddle around “on” them after letting things get to the introduction-of-the-respective-parents stage, consequences occur.
The concert dates you are whining about are occurring in countries with a free enterprise system that includes freedom to contract, and freedom to withdraw from contracts so long as contracted-for penalties are paid. Clearly, not being in your presence is well worth to your former mark, er, associate.
You’ve passed the fiddling around stage. Now you’re finding out–Take it like a man, the Golden Child thing is unattractive.
He seems to be handling it well in public.
Canceling was of course the right thing to do, as well as the most professional thing to do. Why subject oneself to sheer mental torture and thus force oneself to perform under less than optimal — to say the least — circumstances? Even a world-class player remains a vulnerable human being. But ideally, such cancellations should be made with ample advance notice, so that a replacement may be found. Though we are all human, the most powerful thing, paradoxically, is to remain as stoic as possible and simply surrender to the situation, taking the highest road possible, and canceling well in advance, without a single hint that hard feelings might be involved, so as to remain irreproachable from a professional point of view.
Cancelling earlier would be nice.
Well, so much for the notion — and claim — that Alma was real. Can we drop it now?
Yes, please.
Dear V. Lind –
This is Alma. I am indeed real. I was asked by Norman to answer one question a week, which I started to write August 3, 2023. It became quickly popular (I notice that you often comment, V. Lind) and was asked to do twice a week. I am a professional international touring musician, and have a nom de plume for Slipper Disc.
I happen to know who Alma is. She often reads her posts to me before she submits. She is very busy and yet she enjoys this assignment very much. She is giving a lot of SD readers happiness through her thoughts.
“She is giving a lot of SD readers happiness through her thoughts.”
You can prove that of course.
My take is that it is cheap, unqualified and often inappropriate dross.
I have frequently queried the letters to which “Alma” responds. Frankly, I cannot believe that the letters are real. Many sound far too much like imaginary made-up stories from “musicians” who have absolutely no brain – or at least brains incapable of a shred of sheer common sense. With all respect to NL, this should not be an agony aunt blog.
With all respect to you and NL, when he asked you to answer one question a week, did he also ask you to make up the questions posed in the allegedly incoming letters? If so, and you admit to writing under a nom de plume, pray tell how did these alleged letter writers know how and where to contact you?
If you listen very carefully, you can hear the cricket like rustling of a team of lawyers rubbing their hands…
none of us know what happened between Klaus and Yuja, so I find it deeply wrong that blame is being apportioned without a single fact in play.
We only know from social media posts and what is playing out on the public stage currently. It’s pretty obvious.
As someone who flew from
NYC to see your girlfriend and your official debut as MD, I am furious! To you and your girlfriend, GROW THE F UP! Stop acting like the emotional immature people that you are. The orchestra manager told me that other people flew in. Instead, I had to listen to Sol G. Play the same program that I saw at the NYPhil months ago. I told a reporter from the Chicago Sun Times that your girlfriend will only perform in Chicago when you are in Amsterdam (or wherever )
Or in recital. BTW, Google luck getting her at the RG.
hopefully she wouldn’t destroy his carrier and life… run!
Yes. Run!
More fakery. The whole Alma thing is a fake phony fraud. Makes you wonder what else is fake on this site.
This is a particularly low blow, even for a website known for low blows. Come on, do better.
Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t actually real? This “letter to Alma,” I mean. The person who has purportedly composed it is too much of a professional to make such things public…
This is the answer from April 7 comments section. It doesn’t matter if it’s “real”. All advice columns have the same question. It’s small minded to wonder if it’s “real” and clearly, Alma knows it’s not. But she answered anyway because it’s a timely question that we are all wondering about.
Instead of waiting for the ex to cancel those concerts one by one at the last minute, why not just pre-emptively cancel ALL them right now? That would allow far more time for replacements to be scheduled, and it would also bring a quick end to the cancellation soap opera.
Depends on the contract that the soloist has. Probably cannot cancel without cause.
We should not dignify this ridiculous “query” and the asinine response by engaging with it. It’s clearly fake, possibly on both sides.
Of course it is. That’s an obvious statement that is besides the point.
This is a quite funny post. It’s good to have a laugh here now and again.
This isn’t even funny.
An unsubtle, mean minded way of enjoying other people’s difficulties.
Dear Alma, your columns are terrible.
It’s very well written. Nice column and with humor at a fictionalized look at a current situation.
schadenfreude
We can do better!