Dear Alma, My mind goes blank in auditions. Help!

From our agony aunt’s mailbag:

Dear Alma,

I swear I have the memory of a goldfish, probably much worse. I am a 21 year old performance major in a good music conservatory, and am applying for graduate school. I have a lot of auditions that require memorization coming up and about an hour of repertoire. I keep playing the pieces and the notes/rhythms just won’t stick in my memory. Also, I have a horrible intuitive sense of rhythm that no metronome has ever fixed. Please help!

Yours,

Goldfish

Dear Goldfish,

It sure sounds like a lot is going on. Let’s try to unpack this as best we can, and tackle each situation individually. You seem to be in a bit of a pickle, with a healthy dash of panic. Let’s step back and see if we can get some perspective.

First are the auditions themselves. We need to snap you out of your anxiety so you can tackle this head-on. You are probably pretty good but you need to find a solid head space in order to get to the next step. And your teacher hasn’t been able to help you, so you need to take control of your future and figure this out. It’s not uncommon to have a period of self-doubt while in school, but you can get out of it. You got into music school, so you can get into graduate school.

You should be aiming for 1-2 top choices (that are basically unrealistic dream schools), 2 difficult but attainable schools, and 1 safety school that is a sho-in. Don’t do too many auditions (5 tops) and make sure you have these three tiers.

Next, take a close look at the repertoire and narrow it down. You should be able to find a set of repertoire that works for all auditions – make sure you aren’t preparing more music than you have to.

What is your final goal? It sounds like you are playing repertoire that is either new or very difficult for you. As musicians, we are often pushing ourselves to jump to the next level, stretching our technique and putting ourselves in a situation where the demands are almost unattainable. There are times when this is a good idea (lessons, summer school, studio class) and times when taking a step back to old, reliable repertoire is a better choice (concerto competition, school audition, playing for a public masterclass). You want to win these auditions, so I would advise stepping back and finding the repertoire that you can play with utmost confidence, with technical swagger. Better to warm up old solid rep that is a level below your current level than go in and have a major flop-fest.

Next: memorization. Whatever rep you decide to do, you need to be in a calm, organized place before you expect to play for memory. Make sure you know where the phrases are, and what the larger structure is. How the recap is different from the exposition. Make a graph, marking down the large sections and the days of the week, so you have specific, small goals. Not “Oh my God I can’t remember anything” but rather “Oh, it’s Wednesday, I am going to work on the coda today for memory”. You can memorize anything you want, if you are organized. Memorization has three components: emotional plan, physical security, and the ability to replicate under pressure. Know how you feel, drill sections (even if it’s just two beats, 25 times in a row), and put yourself in pressure situations to see if your preparation holds up.

Then, make a large calendar, writing down the audition dates. I don’t know how much time you have, but I like to be performance ready 6 months before an event. In any case, mark a definitive day where you are completely prepared (at least 6 weeks before), and start to perform the whole audition in public on that date (friends, family?), recording it for personal review. You want to have played the audition repertoire at least 10 times.

And finally: rhythm. It’s good that you can tell you have a fundamental problem. It means you can tackle it. It’s separate from everything else you have mentioned. Get a good rhythm book – I like the Robert Starer Rhythmic Training, but there are lots of options. Go through it, working with a metronome and clapping or playing your instrument. Also drill anything that doesn’t feel comfortable. It’s time for you to help yourself if no one has been able to find the answer for you. You can fix your insecurities if you build up a library of solid rhythmic cells.

And actually, did you know that goldfish have good memories? You can teach them to navigate mazes and even play soccer (if you don’t believe me, a quick search on YouTube will send you down a goldfish-hole of everything from soccer to basketball, and the fact that I knew this even before reading your question is a whole ‘nother banana). So go out there and get organized. You can do it!

Let us know how it goes in the comments section!