Dear Alma, Snubbed violin teacher is killing my kid’s career
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt:
Dear Alma,
My daughter is in her final year of high school, is a terrific violinist, and has assumed a musical leadership role in our city. We have one opportunity in our city for young people to play a concerto with an orchestra, which is a competition. She has consistently gotten into the final round, and this being her last year, threw everything into this year. She received a perfect score from the judges, played with precision and verve, and she was happy and proud. There is a local violin teacher who somehow has a lot of influence and he went to talk to the judges. He pushed for one of his students, and that person won. He somehow had them override the results. It’s completely unfair. He has asked many times over the last 2 years to teach our kids but I know he is not a good teacher and so I gently turn him down. Now my daughter is devastated. Thousands of hours of work. I am so angry and want to confront that teacher and make a formal complaint to the competition.
What do you advise, Alma? We are all so very upset. Is there any other place to play a concerto? This was her last chance. We are crushed. We live in the SE part of the United States.
Crushed Mother
Dear Crushed Mother,
There is nothing more terrible than seeing your child in pain. There is no easy solution here, no quick fix. But there are ways of moving forward, in a healthy way. This is a pivotal moment in your daughter’s life, and your life. Strive to make this memory as pleasant as possible, without regrets.
Talk about it with her. Let her express her frustrations and sadness. Share with her some of your own experiences where you were passed over for an opportunity, and how you coped with it.
Crushed Mother, I would not complain or confront the competition. Remember – the people she meets in competitions and auditions will be the people she knows her whole life – whether the judges, the other performers, or the accompanists. The award will be short-lived, but those other relationships can give back to her for her whole life – future jobs, contacts, recommendation, collaborators. Be kind and humble, gracious, and congratulate the winners with honesty.
The most successful people have lost more times than anyone. It is what you take away from it which will make your stronger and more resilient.
She will have a chance to play with an orchestra. Perhaps the SD readers will suggest competitions or opportunities she can participate in. Contact local adult amateur orchestras or set up a solo recital in your local library.
Next step
Make a list of things you gained by going through this experience.
Every opportunity should lead to 3 more opportunities. A concert opportunity, new teacher or friend, other competitions or opportunities (camps, workshops, etc).
Prepare for the next competition.
Learn from your opponents.
Family perspective
Help your child approach competitions in a healthy way.
Talk to them during the prep period, the day of, and post-competition period.
Plan a fun activity or reward for after the competition.
Reward the growth, not the results (which are beyond our control).
It is a painful time for you both, but also an opportunity to grow together and to learn how to cope with loss. If she learns resilience and self-worth through this experience, it far outweighs a moment in the spotlight. It will mean a lifetime in the spotlight.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
Welcome to the shady and spineless world of music competitions and, on a broader scale, of classical music in general. However, if you’re truly talented, you will make it — no matter who tries to stand in your way. The only thing this minor event may do is undermine your confidence, which you should not let happen as it is perhaps your most precious asset. However, to make it in classical music, one now needs to develop a very thick skin, be somehow ruthless in one’s determination, and dismiss the inevitable naysayers who will always find something to criticize. Though success is never guaranteed, as it is far from being a fair business, having to endure uninformed, petty criticism is pretty much a guarantee. Be prepared to dismiss it and see it for what it is: the expression of narrow-minded, mean-spirited, small and deeply insecure egos.
….I was just thinking of writing your first sentence as a comment…..
This is also the reason 1st place winners rarely do as well 2nd and 3rd place winners in their careers. 1st place is won by various means, politics, influence etc. 2nd and 3rd are the ones with talent
Did the OP listen to the performance of the competitor who won? I am inclined to surmise not, given that the OP makes no reference thereto. It is also unclear what is meant by a “perfect score”, and whether the OP’s daughter was the only competitor to receive such. Without such context, it is difficult to be sure whether the OP is justified her (inevitably biased) view.
Having said that, competition judges should not be conversing with an interested party (competitor, relative of competitor, or teacher of competitor) until after the competition has taken place and the results announced (or, where a judge is involved in only one round, after the conclusion and results for said round). Moreover, for a teacher to solicit a pupil so proactively and repeatedly in a relatively short timespan is somewhat questionable.
I have a problem with not speaking up about the teacher/judges because it could damage your career in the future?
So just let the corruption keep on corrupting and hope when you need these people later they will help you?
Does this really make sense? And, if this really is what you should do, do you want to be in a career with this crowd?
I think you must have misunderstood my comment. I was saying that judges should not be conversing with interested parties *during* a competition, precisely because it might prejudice (or be seen to prejudice) the results. In other words, I was agreeing with the OP that it was wrong for the teacher to speak to the judges, on the basis that such conversations should not be happening until after the results are published as a matter of principle. At no point was I criticising people for “speaking up”.
My criticism of the OP is that she seems to have concluded that her daughter should have won on the basis of incomplete information. At no point did the OP confirm that she had actually listened to the winner’s performance (and found it to be manifestly worse), and at no point did the OP confirm that her daughter was the only competitor to get a “perfect score” (whatever that means). These two lacunae mean that the OP’s evaluation cannot be taken seriously, even before considering that the OP, as the mother of a competitor, is inevitably biased.
The OP has every right to criticise the competition on procedural grounds if she has evidence of unethical behaviour, nepotism, or inappropriate influence brought to bear on judges (or the appearance thereof), but, on the basis of the information provided in the letter to Alma, she is no position to make assumptions about who should have won had the competition been fair.
As a “violin mom” myself, I have something to say about this. I agree with Alma – complaining about results is bad form. I can’t imagine you have actual proof of the other teacher’s influence. Sometimes there are subtle, subjective reasons for one competitor winning over another that “scores” don’t always reflect. Even if you do have proof, do you even want a prize from a panel so easily influenced? That would be a cheap prize. And if you did complain, what would you expect the panel to do? Strip one student of their prize to give it to your daughter? Would she feel good about that?
Music is a cruel world sometimes. You have to strive for perfection in an art that is not and should not be “perfect” and robotic. My daughter lost more than she won in her youth. We always talked about how you learn more when you lose – you have the opportunity to gain insight and learn that doesn’t always exist when you win. And that is what youth competitions are all about – learning. Working on a piece to that level, building the audition muscles, performing to your best, even toughened your tender skin with criticism.
My daughter had glorious victories and bitter disappointments in her high school years but went on to study at one of the top conservatories with one of the best teachers in the US.
Don’t let this competition define your daughter or serve as a predictor of her future. Help her focus on the next thing. And please don’t embarrass her or yourself by complaining. If that student that won is not deserving it will show in the concerto performance and everyone will know. If they are deserving, be happy for them and move on.
Amazing how many will write an epistle when not nearly enough is known about this situation. Why would anyone assume the account is objective fact?