Dear Alma, Am I stuck in this orchestra for the rest of my life?
UncategorizedFrom our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
I went straight from college to a good orchestra job. I am lucky. I have been here for 10 years. I found someone, got married and have 2 kids. Here is the problem. It feels like my life is completely stuck. I practiced and studied in college and then I practiced and got a job and now I practice for my job. I make money but it all goes towards basic family needs. I don’t have any close friends. There is nothing to look forward to and nothing to hope for. I could use a boost.
Stuck Here
Dear Stuck Here,
Yes. That’s not an uncommon situation. And that’s not to say it’s not serious. It’s very good that you are recognizing it early enough, before it becomes disruptive to your work life and family. One of the difficult things in classical music is that our trajectory is very hot and fiery at the beginning. So much intense work, so focused as a child and young person. Then the competitions and college. Then straight away to the audition circuit. It’s so competitive that the only way we can get these jobs (for the most part) is by being young and at the top of our game, straight out of school, where we were drilled on the repertoire and had many high-pressure performance opportunities. There is literally no room to breathe. If we don’t keep up the pace, we won’t get the job, and it will go to someone who DID keep up that frantic speed.
Then. It. All. Stays. The. Same.
Same people, same schedule, same concert halls, same pieces (once you have been there a couple of years, it just begins to rotate), same food in the cafeteria, same tours. No way to move up in your job. Just stay the course. Then add family. There goes the small amount of socializing you had. And the extra pocket cash. You might even have had to add some teaching to help pay family bills. You are a huge hamster on a wheel, staring out at your field of wood shavings, your old food bowl, your dirty cage glass.
If you didn’t have any obligations, if you could free yourself, what kind of things could you imagine your life to contain in 10 years? From the minuscule to the gigantic. Where would you be? What would fill your days? What would you be eating or wearing? Take some time over the next weeks and allow yourself to daydream. Then, write these things down. That will help to make them real.
Even though it might seem crazy, share these ideas with your partner. You are not unhappy in your situation, just stagnant. Your parter and family are there for you. If, on your paper, it says “wake up late, eat shakshouka on the porch overlooking the mountain, meet up with your friends to play some sweet tunes with your techno funk band”, it may seem unrealistic, but anything is possible. You could get a bungalow in Costa Rica and spend 3 weeks there every summer. Don’t stop yourself from having a creative life. Anything is possible.
I used to play in a music festival every year on a remote tropical island, and amazing players would come from all over the world to just have a moment away from their regular jobs. It was like a slice of paradise every single year. One of the orchestra players was one of these “I got an amazing job at 22” people. For the first years, he was the “Next Round is On Me” guy. Then he met someone, had kids, got a bit downtrodden, and was no longer the life of the party. Then he started to sit in with one of the island bands at a local joint. He loved it.
The next year he came, and he looks happier than I had ever seen him. I found out he had quit his prestigious orchestra job and had dedicated himself to a three-guy band. His wife took a slightly better job to cover the loss of income, they downgraded their house, and were very happy. He had found a new life. And loved it. I often think of him, and wonder where he is now, and how happy he still is. I will always admire his strength and his courage to leave it all behind.
Stuck Here, you don’t have to do anything as drastic as this guy did, but don’t underestimate the resource you have in your family, what a couple of tweaks to your life can do, and how you can find the balance you need in a million different ways. You are not trapped by anything but your own expectations. Let yourself dream, then go ahead and do it.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
Welcome to the world. Ninety-nine percent of the musical profession is like this. If you don’t like it, quit, eff up your marriage and family and do something else. See your kids when they’re sleeping under bridges. They’ll appreciate your visit.
Make a decision and own it. It’s not all about you. Deal with it.
Surely there are other options besides an unhappy life and an unhappy family, Anthony….
You’re right, I was too harsh. I just cannot stand people whining about their privilege. Billions on this earth would kill for that particular scenario. It touched a nerve at the wrong moment.
The fact that you cannot be supportive of others striving for their own happiness (that does not even affect you negatively whatsoever) shows what kind of life you’ve led. And trust me, no one wants to become like you, so maybe keep your advice to yourself? Just because you chose to be miserable yourself, doesn’t mean others have to follow your steps and also be miserable. There are happy and fulfilled people out there, and no amount of negativity from unhappy people like you will stop them.
As for you, you know jack all. I’ve had a great life and want for nothing, professionally or emotionally. Those who are fortunate enough to find work in the performing arts need to view their existence through that prism. Not everyone is born to be Jonas Kaufmann, Hilary Hahn or Herbert von Karajan. Most are confronted with routine, and the music they produce is their recompense. If that’s not enough, change your life and do something else. Don’t go whining to an online algorithm. End of.
Did the OP say they wanted to be Karajan? Did they not say they are fortunate for what they have? You are clearly projecting, and overreacting due to something personal in your life. You say that you have nothing to complain but your hysterics communicate otherwise. Just because someone is lucky, does not mean they lose the right to complain about their personal sufferings or pursue better lives for themselves. For example, just because one got a job at Chicago Symphony, does not mean he/she cannot complain about certain things they do not like, or dream of working for the Berlin phil. Just because I’m grateful that I have food on my table every day, it does not mean I can’t complain about poorly prepared food, or that I want to cook better food. Suffering is not a competition, and one can both appreciate something and critique something at the same time.
On another level:
‘Stuck with a secure, decent-paying job, doing something (tens of) thousands of equally (if not better) – qualified people on this earth would kill for’.…
Grow up.
You sound exactly like one of those (tens of) thousands of equally (if not better) – qualified people on this earth would kill for’…. Sorry that no one else though so as well.
Grow up.
See my reply to David, above.
Thank you for saying it.
If you don’t like changes, go back to your cave and eat your raw game. People are trying to make this world better but it’s the old cattle like you who get in the way.
You don’t get it, either. So many thick people commenting on this site.
I left two good orchestra jobs because I saw that handwriting on the wall. Ennui is a huge part of orchestral life; one needs to be cognizant of and comfortable with it. I left thinking that I could do more, and I did. There is certainly a downside; It wasn’t economically comfortable and the struggle was costly in other ways. We have to make choices but it helps to remember that there are no perfect outcomes. Just decide what you absolutely must have and the road ahead becomes more visible.
The whole point about playing in an orchestra is that it’s never about the individual. If you can’t subscribe to the concept of being part of a larger body, then don’t join. Some countries and their national mentalities get this, others don’t.
It all depends on why you wanted an orchestra job in the first place.
Did you audition because you loved orchestral music, or for some other reason?
You can find some friends and put together a small ensemble of some kind, but the issue might be finding gigs.
I loved playing the big symphonic pieces, so I didn’t mind playing some pieces several times as the years went by (25 years playing 2nd bassoon).
I also taught private students and did gig work all over the state, sang in the adult choir at church and generally did lots of musical things.
I also had a full time “day job”.
It’s all about what’s important to you.
After a number of different work situations, I’ve come to believe that it’s not the work you have to do but the people you have to work with that determines whether you enjoy your job or not.
“I don’t have any close friends.”
I suspect that is a challenge for orchestral musicians who, unlike the social set and the 9-to-5ers, have to work nights and weekends.
And even when they take a vacation they still have to somehow stay in practice and never really be away from the job.
“Is this all there is?” is how this dissatisfaction is often phrased. For nearly all people, life is not an unending ascent to ever greater glory and accomplishment even though the brochures say it will be.
Very well said. I think many research on happiness would agree with you in regard to the importance of people you surround yourself with, and having a sense of purpose. The small change the OP needs to make may simply be to change orchestras and work with different people.
Golden handcuffs exist in every profession. Your situation is not unique.
99% of most jobs becomes routine anyway. But you have to enjoy doing most of it, and the occasional challenges it brings. In addition, a hobby (beyond raising the kids) may bring back the sparkle to your life.
When I was a student, a mentor told me to never count on the orchestra to make me happy: my happiness would be my own responsibility. I’ll be forever grateful for that advice.
What the author describes happens in most jobs. Sameness sets in. That’s why they say to change jobs every 5 years or so. Not so easy as an orchestral musician. Especially if you play the tuba. They don’t talk about this in music schools.
Especially if you play tympani!
Work cannot be everything, and fortunately, if you play in an orchestra, you are unlikely to have it as bad as someone who, say, works in a hot noisy factory on their feet for 8 hours a day and is totally physically exhausted afterwards.
Make sure some time is set aside for things beyond music that you enjoy. Even better if some of them involve your spouse and family.
My advice is free 🙂 so take it for what it’s worth.
Get a career going in high tech where you understand your own skills and to which will grow income substantially over your working years. Real Estate, AI, Marketing, Finance, Sales – musicians tend to do well here.
Play music for fun while you earn income appropriate to your needs.
Than when you and your husband can retire or live more comfortably, play in community volunteer orchestras or chamber music.
I’ve been playing professionally in orchestras since 1979 and still find the work creative and artistically rewarding. Granted, I am a freelancer, and not bound to one orchestra, but I’ve been playing full time for decades, and I generally feel supported and uplifted by the music as long as I engage in it fully in a creative way. The work, schedule, and way of life is so difficult and demanding that I do not think I would want to or be able to do it without that support. Wouldn’t be worth it.
Several colleagues of mine quit orchestras to study medicine/Law and are now practicing Doctors/Barrister. One of them is bored to death (again) and another looks back at his time scraping away merrily on the back desk of 2nd violins as his Halcyon days. Orchestras, like endangered species of animals are in their twighlight years anyhow. It might not be a bad idea to enjoy the privilege while you still have it. Or try working in an insurance office.
As a nurse I know that one can say that a nurse is nothing more than being a servant to the doctor and it’s all about paying attention to detail and doing what one is told. One can also say that a nurse saves people’s lives not only through physical procedures but also by giving people comfort and hope and thus nursing is the most important work in the world.
This ambivalence is true about all work and especially in the arts. One can say that a classical orchestra is mainly for the vanity of rich people or one can say that it is an essential vehicle for not only the transmission of culture but in giving people pride, comfort and hope.
For several years I saw the largely neoclassical New York City Ballet weekly during the season. Although I sometimes fell asleep because I did not always find moving abstract pictures (the dances) particularly interesting and had (and still have) serious feminist concerns about ballet (and especially neo classical ballet), being around all that controlled energy was necessary to keep me stable and hopeful.
Indeed, it was so inspiring to me, when the rest of my life was falling apart, that I too, like the dancers, could once again have focus and order, and work with others fulfill a common purpose, in my life. And that’s eventually what happened.
You do not know who in the audience needs to be surrounded by “controlled energy”, who needs to be around harmony, who needs variety and excitement, who needs to have a little, or a lot, more faith in our culture and civilization, who needs the music to help them fantasize about a better future for themselves or others.
In addition to helping an individual psychologically a classical performance can also possibly improve the relationship between a person in the audience and his/her companions.
As someone who has worked in a state psychiatric hospital for many years I can tell you that there is nothing more therapeutic than music, and especially live music. It brings such joy to the lives of hurting people, and you will never know who, listening live or even to your orchestra’s CDs. is hurting and was healed in some way by your music.
I remember reading in Yehudah Menuhin’s autobiography that he said that he tried to play towards the gallery. He believed that it was those in the cheaper seats who needed to hear him the most and by playing to them he also made his music stronger.
Erich Bruhn, a famous classical ballet dances in the 1950s and 60s, wrote a short book, Beyond Technique, where he urged dancers to put feeling into their dance. In interviews about his work he generally talked about connecting with the audience.
It is SO easy whether in nursing, music, or basically any other profession, to become so focused on the technical aspects that one loses sight of the purpose, the people who this is being done for.
As an artist you are a therapist and an educator. I urge you, when you play, to keep the audience in mind. It will undoubtedly stop you from being so bored and cynical (and dare I say depressed?) and will probably make you a better musician.
With very few exceptions, the very definition of a profession is that you do that thing, the same thing, every day. While it would be nice if everyone loved their profession, their job, it doesn’t happen. The interesting irony is that musicians are almost uniquely given a glimpse of the situation early on, because you go to lessons and there is the professional musician — your teacher — doing the same thing every day, and there you are, the student, doing likewise.
The reality, for most orchestra musicians, is that they will spend their entire career, if not in the same orchestra, at the very least in AN orchestra — meaning they might be able to win an audition in a different group, but that remains an uphill battle, as the competition is fierce and the psychological stamina needed to go through the audition process gets much more challenging as one gets older. There are exceptions though — some players are able to win a job in a different orchestra later in life, but these tend to be rare and usually points to a truly exceptional player that stands out from an already very competitive crowd. Most musicians are rather one-dimensional and do not have the professional skills that would enable them to make a living in a different profession altogether, and acquiring those skills can be very difficult while navigating through an intense rehearsal and performance schedule on top of one’s day-to-day obligations. It is possible, but it requires a very high level of discipline and a lot of perseverance. As some commenters have said, the quality of the people one works with can be a determinant factor in one’s overall happiness. One can be miserable in a world-class orchestra and much happier in a lesser known group, depending on work atmosphere. This being said, the quality of the artistry is also a determining factor — there is nothing so demoralizing as being part of a group where drudgery sets in, people mostly go through the motions, and where it seems impossible to escape petty politics. It’s all a question of balance — work atmosphere, quality of life in the particular city where the orchestra is based, and amount of free time so that other avenues may be pursued. In my opinion, one might consider other options when one’s job constitutes more than 60% of one’s mental energy — in other words, when it takes over your life. It’s also important to learn how to place strong boundaries to protect oneself from the often inevitable toxicity that pervades many orchestras. The feeling of “is that all there is?” is probably inevitable in most jobs anyway, and this feeling actually ebbs and flows throughout an entire career. The only 2 ways to escape it somehow are either to become your own boss (not easy) or to have a job that leaves you enough free time so that it doesn’t consume your entire mental energy. Finally, in one’s 30’s, one should focus, as much as possible, on saving and investing in order to allow the wonder of compound interest to do its work. The feeling of having some sort of financial freedom a couple of decades down the line will provide some solace and actually change one’s current perspective as an orchestra musician.
For orchestral musicians, such a career can be the best job of all. Think about it:
Once you suceed in getting into a symphonic group, you are paid for something you love to do.
You are then invited to travel and play in different parts of the world.
The icing on the cake is that at the end of a performance, everyone applauds you for it.
Then you go and have a beer.
It is a wonderful life, until it no longer suits. I loved it for 15 years, was bored for five, and then retrained. I still play now and again, but everytime I do – first I love it – and then after a couple of hours I remember why I stopped playing full time.
We are all different, some are designed to spend 40 years in orchestral jobs – some are not. I know I made the right decision for me, I wanted to give something back to the education sector, but I recognise that that is not the right path for others. Best to sit down and really think about your options, and your situation!
Another possibility arises if you notice as a young person the positive effect your best teacher had on you, and strive to become that person. This often involves orchestral playing, teaching, and avocational music.
If you haven’t had such a teacher, then yeah, I guess, just change careers when you get burnt out, because it will be much harder to find joy in music.
Let’s put this in a broader context: how many young musicians are going to be content to saw or honk away at the standard repertoire in the same orchestra for thirty years, the way people used to do in the days when halls were full, endowments were generous, recording contracts were plentiful and government support was unquestioned? Sadly, the Golden Age is arguably no longer with us. On the other hand, what always impresses me whenever I see the myriad of HIP ensembles on Arte or You Tube is how young and enthusiastic their musicians are. They probably aren’t making the same amount of money that a paid-up American Musicians Union member is making in an American Top Five orchestra, but then most will play in more than one ensemble, or even have a day job. And most musicians in the world do not make anything like the money people get for playing in an American Top Five orchestra …
Wonderful, boring (=perfect) middle class life.
The realm is that most of musicians, including orchestra musicians are “drug addicts”. Their drug are positive vibes coming from the audience. I don’t play in an orchestra anymore, but I remember that amazing feeling when you’re overwhelmed with a huge positive energy to such level that you can’t fall asleep after a concert (here we go, a bottle of whisky which accompanies so many musicians on their tours!). Would Stuck Here be able to live full life without getting a regular “energiser” from several thousand listeners?
Dear Alma,
I’m burnt out. Burnt to a crisp like a piece of toast. I enjoy music but there’s just so much of it right now. How can I make practicing fun? I rarely look forward to practicing because I know that it will be disappointing when I can’t make my fingers do what I want them to.
Sincerely,
Burnt like toast
Bored to death with the job? Obviously somewhat unhappy in his family life. But no friends? I find the last the most unbelievable, as though the alleged writer is some sort of social misfit. And why would he bother writing to an agony aunt type column here when from previous responses he must be aware many of the letters written to the mysterious Alma here get more than a fair amount of flak. Your life is a mess? Do something about it!
Musician complains about her highly converted and rare full time employment while the rest of the UK’s musicians are fearing for their future and questioning how we will pay our bills/if we need to retrain. Get a grip. You get to do a wonderful thing every day (do you think an accountant feels this way?!) Most people’s jobs are mundane and repetitive. Be grateful you have one, or give it up and let someone who will cherish it have the chance.