The naked maestro: Limerick competition

The naked maestro: Limerick competition

Daily Comfort Zone

norman lebrecht

December 18, 2023

There once was a maestro, Viotti
Who thought he was being quite naughty.
He stripped off on a beach
With a camera in reach
And showed all the world his bare botty.

You try.

Comments

  • Observing2 says:

    Pass the sick bucket…

  • Montblanc says:

    Lorenzo, we’re calling your bluff!
    Daily on Insta you’re struttin’ your stuff.
    You and Dany from Berlin
    Commit the narcissist’s sin.
    And over on slippedisc they can’t get enough.

  • La plus belle voix says:

    There once was a man called Viotti
    Who almost displayed parts quite knotty,
    He climbed on the rocks,
    In nothing but socks,
    And thought he was really hot totty.

  • Alviano says:

    Oh leave him alone. He’s a sexy guy.

  • zayin says:

    Lorenzo Viotti from Lausanne
    fancies himself quite the ladies’ man,
    he shows off his bums,
    as taut as a drum,
    But ne’er his balls the size of pecans

    • Essardee says:

      There is this conductor Lorenzo
      Who quit taking his daily benzo
      A real “ladies man?”
      Or really a “man’s man?”
      Only his lovers can yes-or-no.

  • Xmas Pudding says:

    There once was a percussionist who got lucky,
    Wearing swiss watches on the podium quite smugly,
    Their Rachmaninoff was trash and the Mahler like whiplash,
    ‘Twas all naked ambition for the cash.

  • Baffled in Buffalo says:

    A maestro with quite nothing on,
    But contriving to hide his baton,
    Posed to prove he lifts weights
    Between podium dates
    But provoking no more than a
    yawn.

  • Comeagain says:

    This conductor’s a bit of a bodger
    Misconducting by shaking his todger.
    The bum notes are duff
    He performs in the buff
    And his climax’s is always a dodger.

  • Baffled in Buffalo says:

    OR:

    There was a conductor named Viotti,
    Who was vain to the max ’bout his body,
    He took it all off,
    While the rest of us coughed,
    And indited his judgment as shoddy.

  • Nicholas says:

    There once was a Maestro of lore
    Who walked from shore to shore
    The crowd wanted Mahler
    But he didn’t bother
    He stripped naked instead, alors.

  • Quondam maestro says:

    A conductor by name of Viotti
    Is purported to be quite a hottie.
    His baton is quite long
    But that luminous dong
    Is what drives his musicians quite potty.

  • William Shakeshaft says:

    There was quite a good band from Brum
    Whose conductor showed off his bum.
    When asked to explain
    The Chief Exec said “once again..
    it’s so we get new people to come”

  • Anthem says:

    Organist, Fartimus Howells
    was famed for playing tunes with his bowels.
    At his last gig in Crewe
    when his lunch followed through,
    the crowd drowned his refrain with their howls.

  • Adam Stern says:

    As regards that conductor Viotti,
    I’ll not lose any sleep over what ‘e
    Thinks we’d most like to see
    Of his bod — notably,
    His polpette and pink manicotti.

  • Adam Stern says:

    I put off by conductor Lorenzo
    And the stuff he displays for the lens. Oh,
    For the days of decorum
    When Norm Lebrecht’s forum
    Was home to bom gosto extenso.

  • Adam Stern says:

    (Sorry — should be: •“I’m• put off…”

  • Adam Stern says:

    One could argue (I guess) he’s a cutie.
    Nonetheless, I adjudge it my duty
    To urge others: “Don’t pose
    With your dangling hose
    On display (do you hear, Signor Muti?)!”

  • Wannaplayguitar says:

    A maestro of global repute In the habit of ‘tootling’ his ‘flute’. Recent photo exposés Showed his parts red and rosés shrank them smaller than tadpole (or newts) (for the sake of public decency)

  • Alasdair Munro says:

    The maestro was con un leone,
    His body both muscled and bony,
    He stripped to the buff
    But the sea was too rough
    And a conger eel chewed coglioni.

  • Bigfoor says:

    On the conductor who goes by Viotti
    The comments here seem so snotty
    The man had to pee
    While so near to the sea
    So let him get on with his potty

  • Brettermeier says:

    There once was this pretty weird guy,
    who’s everything but who’s not shy.
    His clothes in the sand,
    ’cause commando he went,
    the sun burned not only his thigh.

  • Tony Magee says:

    Lorenzo Viotti is very nice,
    His body is flavoured like sugar and spice,
    One glance and you’re in!
    Or would that be a sin?
    You might have to raise your price.

  • Micaela Bonetti says:

    Oohhhh, how many erotic poetry on Slipped Disc:
    Bravi tutti e buon Natale a voi !

  • jcf30 says:

    At the end of this year so rotten
    (Arguably best forgotten)
    We can all unite
    At the gladsome sight
    Of a conductor scraping the bottom.

    • norman lebrecht says:

      splendid!

      • Observing2 says:

        Norman, this is quite simply the best comments section on here I’ve ever seen.

        Who knew the trolls were actually so artistically apt? Brings out the best in them!

        Can we have more poetry captions on this site please!

  • Rhyming S Lang says:

    A conductor did not think it rude,
    To show himself off in the nude.
    But I think its heinous
    To show off your penis
    Then again I’m a terrible prude.

  • Let's get real says:

    There once was a naked baton
    As perfectly built as a swan
    It sounds somewhat cheesy
    But one may get wheezy
    To meet him and then get it on.

  • Varg Eriksson says:

    There once was a conductor, Viotti,
    Whose nude poses caused quite a potty.
    Norman, critic of dread,
    Turned enviously red,
    As Viotti just shrugged, looking haughty.

  • Bigfoot says:

    So sure was he of his appeal
    The Maestro did a public reveal
    But then out went the tide
    Leaving nothing to hide
    What we saw there was just a small eel
    __________________________

    A conductor strips down to the buff
    To show us he has the right stuff
    But cold water did beckon
    Which forced him to reckon
    That his baton was not firm enough
    ____________________________

    My inner 10 year old is digging this.

  • Adam Stern says:

    Slipped Disc’s architect, Norman Lebrecht,
    At times posts things to which some object.
    But I say, “He sheds light
    On such topics we might
    Otherwise have consigned to neglect.”

  • Brettermeier says:

    Remember this guy, pretty lewd,
    keeps running around in the nude.
    His baton he waved,
    oh look: it is shaved,
    but obviously not yet tattooed.

    (I don’t know, didn’t dare to look. 😀 )

  • Bigfoot says:

    When there’s a nude man up on the podium
    Waving his stick at the poor euphonium
    If you’re in the front row
    What you’re dying to know
    Is how big was his dose of Imodium?

    • Adam Stern says:

      I might respectfully suggest:

      If a man soils his pants on the podium
      (Causing outright revulsion and odium),
      If you’re in the front row,
      Duck and cover! His flow
      Might besmirch you! (He took some Imodium.)

  • Adam Stern says:

    Were he not all-consumed über alles
    With repeatedly flashing his phallus,
    He’d restrict its display
    (naughty, lewd, and risqué)
    And decrease his impression as callous.

  • Salvame says:

    A young maestro who seems quite the snack
    Likes to show off more than his six-pack.
    Cue the clutching of pearls
    And the snark from the churls
    Who all envy his assets they lack.

  • John Petley-Jones says:

    That self-obsessed maestro, Viotti
    Was anxious to show off his botty,
    But, try as he might,
    His features were slight,
    Not gigantic, like dear Pavarotti!

  • Eddie says:

    He is hot tho!

  • Adam Stern says:

    If a naked conductor you’re seeking
    At whose privates you’d like to be peeking:
    Ecco Maestro Viotti!
    (One question, though: Ought he
    Indulge in such unabashed streaking?)

  • Adam Stern says:

    Tell us, Norman: could you have predicted

    That those photos which brashly depicted

    Maestro Viotti’s presumption

    Would stir up the gumption

    Of Slipped Disc’s most rhyming-afflicted?

  • Adam Stern says:

    Maestro Viotti’s vainglory is chronic,

    As evinced by his photos moronic.

    Lavish thanks, then, to Norm

    Who pitched limerick form

    As a cleansing and fortifying tonic.

  • fierywoman says:

    Adam wins!

    • Adam Stern says:

      Had Norm offered a medal or cup,

      My response would have been a loud, “Yup!”

      But my honest reaction?

      Far more satisfaction

      From fierywoman’s thumbs-up!

  • Essardee says:

    He is physically beautiful. But is he a good musician?

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