Dear Alma: I’m in love with my student’s motherDaily Comfort Zone
From our agony aunt’s mailbag:
I am desperately in love with my student’s mother, a single mom of 4. She is 15 years older than me and doesn’t seem to know I exist. What should I do?
Please Notice Me
Dear Please Notice Me,
It’s exciting to be enamored. She sounds like a wonderful person. And the fact that she hasn’t noticed you means that you are acting in an appropriate way for a teacher. The last thing we need is for the kids to see you flirting with their mom. So, congratulation.
A couple of things. As a mom of 4, she is overworked, and has no extra time before or after school, so I would not ask for dinner. You cannot ask her out in front of the kids. You also want to protect your income, in the case that she is not interested, you want to be able to continue teaching her children. These are the parameters.
I would write a simple note, put in in an envelope marked “private” (don’t want the kids opening it in the car!) and hand it to her at the end of a lesson. Inside I would say that I would like the chance to get to know her outside of the brief moments at lessons. Would she be open for lunch some time during the week?
Keep it short and sweet, not too detailed so that she has the freedom to decide without potential awkwardness. If she turns you down, that’s life, but it’s certainly worth a shot!
I’m a violist trapped in the body of a double-bass. How do I get out?
Stuck in here
There is nothing worse than being trapped. Sometimes it is beyond our control, but most often, the fence around us is created by our own fear. Fear of something new, failure, difficult work, change of location or income. I would ask myself how much I desire the other thing, and what are the parameters of my own personal standards.
Let’s, for a moment, remove that barrier. Here is a scenario.
Go to your local instrument dealer and rent a viola. Try it out at home – do whatever you want, even playing it like a cello for comfort. If it fulfills something in you, take the next step. Sign up for a weekend adult amateur chamber music workshop or orchestra. Try some lessons, or even try teaching beginning viola to kids. I believe there is only a matter of a short time between your caged life and a new, but related world, filled with Hindemith and viola jokes! You can only be trapped if you believe you have been duped into a life you don’t want or deserve. Take control, choose your own path, and remove those chains!