How to Lose the World Cup

England’s football team threw away its best chance today by announcing Marks & Spencer as supplier of the official team suits. Trust me, nobody wins anything in an M&S suit.

Socks? sure. Underpants? unbeatable. Sweaters? sometimes. But M&S suits have a quality of undesign that make them crumple in all the wrong places and hang like carboard from the rest. Take a look at the squeamish looking team pics released today:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article7127380.ece

Examine what is professionally known as the lunchbox area. Does that look wearable? I am not a fashion fanatic like opera chic nor a professional footballer, but I know the cut of a good jib and M&S just ain’t got it.

You might as well send Wayne Rooney out to play in carpet slippers for all the good these suits will do to England’s chances next month. Who chose that austerity grey, that cheap-look crimpline, those bus-conductor lapels?

Which feeble-minded football official did that scuzzy deal with a high-street chain renowned for everything but its suits? As a cultural commentator, I face many difficult and challenging questions of taste, but this isn’t one of them. It is a total absence of taste.

And this is a team with an Italian in charge, for heaven’s sake. They’ll be a laughing stock on any street in Milano.

Get those suits off before the team gets on the plane.

MORE NEWS JUST IN from operachic: Apparently the Italian team are wearing Dolce & Gabbana underpants – at least until they step into the shower, as this video demonstrates.

How can out boys compete with D&G in M&S suits, I ask you!