Dear Alma, Please save me from that second drink
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt’s seasonal mailbag:
Dear Alma,
You know the saying ‘two drinks and she’s anyone’s’? That’s me.
Year round I’ll take the elderberry juice at post-concert receptions and the mineral water at dinner. My chamber orchestra friends know I have – rather, had – alcohol issues and they protect me when the drinks come round.
But this time of year, when everyone’s partying, they get a bit merry and I’m on my own, facing a second drink, knowing what might happen.
Alma, I killed my first marriage by jumping on the nearest hunk when drunk. My second husband is a sweet college prof who knows my past and knows I can be trusted when away on tour because I have such good friends around me. I just can’t tell him, or anyone, how scared I am at the end of the year when I have to show up at drinks parties and I am so, so tempted to let myself go.
What should I do?
Second drink
Dear Second drink,
Good for you for making this huge change in your life, and knowing that the danger to regress is never over. You have a great husband and colleagues who understand your condition. You can just opt out if you are feeling wobbly. But if you feel strong, read on.
Now, let’s go out and party! There is no reason you can’t have a great time SENZA moonshine.
First – please do include your cute hubbie in the process. Ask him to be your emergency call if you need some support at gatherings. I am sure he would be honored to be there for you.
Second – depending on how confident you are, try wearing a pin or sticker saying something like “I’m under 18 – no drinks for me” or “Danger, I turn into a flesh-eating zombie if I have hooch!” Or, simply remind your friends to keep an eye out for you.
Third – Want to fly under the radar and avoid annoying questions? Bring your own fun, non-alcoholic drinks with you, possibly some lime wedges or cocktail umbrellas. Make them green with jealousy with your own fruity concoctions.
Fourth – have fun! Jump on that karaoke stage, hit the dance floor. You don’t need the old firewater to have a great time. Ask your local seven year old, no one can shake up a party like a sober kid.
Second drink – you have a second chance at your life here, with a cosy husband and good friends. Stay vigilant and this second life is all you will ever need.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
I had that too and it landed on my job here. But I’ve nowhere to go.
Sally
One does not have to show up at drinks parties.
It’s the first drink that gets you drunk.
Good on you for taking control of your condition. In the US sophisticated alcohol free alternatives are becoming more popular. Ask your host.
I think you should be saved from that first drink. You should discuss this with a therapist. You don’t suggest that you keep on drinking — apparently the damage is done after two.
What you need on these occasions is the willpower not to have one — and in the unlikely case that there are no soft options on offer, you can just go to the tap and fill a glass.
If you cannot muster that much willpower, you do need professional help. This problem has already cost you a marriage. You seem to have landed with a good second one, suggesting that you are a likeable person, as does your circle of friends, but their role in life is not to be your minder.
Your problem may be physiologically based, even though it sounds psychological. But the fact that you depend upon your friends to rather surround you when the drinks trays start circulating suggests a range of problems. Better to give this season’s parties a miss and get help from someone who can get to the root of the problem, and recommend some serious solutions.
My advice: have a drink only with your spouse.