Dear Alma, I’ve got feelings for my stand partner

Dear Alma,

I have been a member of an amateur orchestra for a number of years. My standpartner and I are both retired, married, with kids long gone. We have developed a special bond and things have become heated lately. What if this person is my soul-mate? Should we explore the relationship or just let it simmer, as it has been for years.

In the Hot Seat

Dear In the Hot Seat,

Being attracted to another person in a working environment, even when in a healthy, loving relationship, is entirely normal. This attraction, however, has been fostered in an unnatural circumstance. It is impossible to tell if your mutual bond would flourish in the real world. What to do with these urges? There is no clear answer, but I can give you some things to chew on.

Before you take even one more little bitty baby step, you need to ascertain if your attraction is mutual. Otherwise you are just stepping in an imaginary pile of poop. Do you have the nerve to bring this up to your friend? If not, then maybe you lack of resolve will tell you something about the depth of your own commitment.

If you find out that the interest is mutual, why not go out for coffee with this person, keeping in mind that your bottled up sexual tension will not give you an entirely clear answer. Of course, taking your friendship to the next level potentially permanently will alter your relationship with your spouse, kids and possible future grandkids. Is it worth it? 99% of the time the answer is no.

In the Hot Seat, you wrote to me, and must know that I am very open minded. I would never stand in the way of someone reaching for the statistically improbable. You may be right – this person may make your twilight years your most cherished ones yet. Only you can decide if you are willing to make the sacrifice.

Good luck!

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com