Alone and away? Dear Alma says: Go for it

Dear Alma

I teach three times a year for three weeks at a time in a large European conservatoire. My days are full of students and rehearsals. My evenings are mostly hotel-bound.

It’s a chain hotel, but adequate. Lately, and I may be imagining this, I think one partocular receptionist is giving me the eye. I stop and chat a bit, that’s all. Should I try my luck?

Here’s the dilemma. I can no longer flirt with students or respond to their overtures without losing my career. I don’t have any friends on the faculty. I’m alone for long periods. What are the risks in getting it on with hotel staff?

Hotel Dweller

Dear Hotel Dweller,

What are the risks? Nothing that I see, besides the basic risks for any potential (kosher – read: non school) relationship. Rejection, things going sour, differing expectation, infidelity, these things of course are popular relationship busters. But two interested consenting adults? Why not?

I have several friends who wound up with “normal” partners. You know, tech guys or doctors or people in the lumber industry. I always wondered how they met these normal people. And my friends are very happy and have interesting lives because they have perspective on their own musical careers and a partner who doesn’t have an erratic schedule and complicated emotional work life. And it’s probably that they took the risk to reach outside of the safe, insular classical music box. I am not saying that this hotel receptionist will end up as your life partner. It could be a one night stand, a fling, or the love of your life. Any of those are equally good and would serve their own special function in your life.

In any case, it’s a wake-up call. I think it’s an absolutely smashing idea to give it a go – to find someone outside of your work environment. I love how you are so confident that an overture by you would be welcomed. But even if you get rejected flat on your face, it’s a good moment to realize that your temporary town can be more than just work and sleep. Try branching out a bit more – join a health club, book club or chess club, find non-music people to interact with who will make your months in that town a thing to look forward to.

Anyway, who knows, maybe that hotel receptionist is a brilliant, funny and creative person who will want to join the chess club with you. You will never know unless you try!

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com