Dear Alma, I’m being asked to favour a male

From our agony aunt’s mailbag:

Dear Alma,

I am a member of a small vocal group. One of our administrative staff has just left for another job, and I am a member of the selection committee. We have a short list of potential hires, and someone from the board of directors told us, off the record, to favor the male applicants because they “won’t leave the job to have babies.” Besides being illegal, this is deeply upsetting. No one else batted an eyelash. 

Advice?

Disturbed 

Dear Disturbed,

Yes. Common and upsetting and not surprising in the least. Not to beat a dead horse here, but life is not fair. A recent study, in fact, one third of bosses will reject a candidate because they fear she may start a family.

This discrimination in the workplace place is, obviously, illegal. Of course it is. But there are so many ways of getting around the illegality, such as what you mentioned – a casual remark or a “suggestion”.

Disturbed, I once auditioned for a principal position in an orchestra while five months pregnant. The first rounds were behind a curtain but the final round was on the main stage, with the committee and conductor spread out in the hall. I did my best to conceal my slightly rounded belly, anticipating some form of response. The conductor actually called out to me, after a particularly devilish excerpt, “are you pregnant?”

Long story short, I won the job, after crushing the remainder of the audition.

My two cents? Weigh your next move carefully. You can choose to fight for what is right, which is noble. But, it may come back at you and make your own life a living hell. There is no one answer here, but there is one blaring truth, which is that we all have a long way to go before there is equality on our fragile planet.

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com