Dear Alma, My friend has the hots for her prof
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt:
Dear Alma,
A friend of mine at conservatory has the hots for our teacher. She flirts with him all of the time, and he has started to respond positively. He is married with kids older than her. I am afraid he will get fired for having an affair with her.
What should I do?
Dear What should I do?
What a quandary. In the end, teachers have to be responsible for maintaining professional boundaries. Your teacher is an adult, and most likely has had to go through training at the university to learn how to spot and manage difficult situations. He also knows he will be fired for having a relationship with a student.
He has several options, from speaking directly to the student about behavior expectations, to requesting a change of professor for your friend, as well as speaking to his dean about the situation.
People flirt with people all of the time. It doesn’t mean I am going to hop in the sack with them. It’s gross to even entertain the thought of becoming involved with a student. If your teacher can’t control himself that’s his problem and he deserves to be fired.
What should I do?, I know your are upset, both because of your friend’s behavior and your concern for your teacher. But don’t get sucked into that petty little cesspool of immaturity.
Practice instead.
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In a university career of a few decades, I have known this happen several times. One professor even drove his former student from the graduation ceremony to their wedding ceremony with her still clutching the certificate he had just presented her with. Am sure this kind of thing happens in conservatoires too, though am not aware of specific instances.
“If your teacher can’t control himself that’s his problem and he deserves to be fired.”
Although the potential penalties are all in his lap, it’s not just his problem.
It’s a problem for the student, who should not be getting encouraging feedback to her advances and should be devoting her energies otherwise, and it’s a problem for his other students who have to wonder if they are getting fairly evaluated or getting full attention versus an inappropriately-favored student.
It’s a problem for everyone within reach of that instructor.
I recently went to a reunion where I learned that my private teacher was, during my junior year, living with one of his other students.
I thought it was just the gin that was making him unfocused!
Decades ago, when I started my teaching career, I had over a half dozen colleagues who were married to one of their former students. I’m unconvinced that it is a categorical problem. Surely adults should be able to make decisions about such things as long as they act appropriately in good faith.
I have that too but it never seems to work.
Sally