Dear Alma, My agent has left me high and dry

Dear Alma,

I have been with the same agency for more than 20 years. Initially they were keen and hard-working, and organized tours beautifully. But it has slowly been declining – number of concerts, type of engagement, fee. They even asked me to make my own travel and hotel bookings last year. It’s all really too much. I have been asking around about another agent, but it looks like my type of niche is no longer au courant. 

Alma – I have all but given up – I am used to a certain lifestyle and I can’t imagine what to do. I am afraid and yet I need to keep up a false front of confidence. I was so busy building a career that I didn’t have time or energy to find a partner, I almost terribly alone and past the age to have children. It’s sometimes months between engagements and I am having trouble making ends meet. 

Is it all over?

Dear Is it all over,

I feel your desperation. Your loneliness and fear. Please, Is it all over, make a list of anyone you you could reach out to – an old friend, family member, colleague. You must make a human connection, and as fast as possible.

A career in classical music is erratic, fickle, emotionally satisfying, and cruel. You are not alone in your feelings. All of us have had to deal with fluctuation in income, having to project a false sense of confidence, and a flip-flop of success and difficult times.

I once knew a musician who had had tremendous success as a teenager. They were traveling the world, creating music with the “A” list, making recordings and experiencing the riches of an extravagant life. All before age 20. A handful of years later, when I was in need of a collaborator, I was surprised when my manager suggested this person. Certainly they were well above my level – I had a full schedule but was hardly playing the top venues. But I followed their advice, and we had some trial meetings. They never invited me over, until we had decided to make an official partnership.  I was shocked to see them living in a small, dingy apartment, the main room (combination kitchen and sitting room) had only an old, sagging loveseat in it. Eventually they told me that their concerts had dwindled – they were alone in this country, and they still had a number of years left in their contract with their manage. They were being supported by their parents again but embarrassed to look for work teaching or in other non-performance fields. Our collaboration lasted years – and of course it was a less glamorous life – but they found a companion and a new way to live.

Having great success can be a debilitating, numbing experience which can isolate you and leave you feeling worthless. Don’t fall for that. You are better than that – you are a marvelous talent and can find a way to share your skills with people who look up to you. Open your mind to new ways to use your skills, and leave your pride, no matter how nobly won, behind you.

It is all over, please look up this organization – International Association for Suicide Prevention – which has free help lines in many countries. Speak to someone as soon as you read this, and shed your old skin. A new and wonderful life is there for you, bravely step towards it.

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com