Dear Alma, My teacher humiliates me
OrchestrasDear Alma,
My teacher made a public display of me in studio class today and I froze with nervousness. He was not happy with my intonation, and and instead of phrasing it in a constructive manner, he said, “You played it in tune before why are you so out of tune today? Did you practice?” I don’t know how to respond to leading questions like that in lessons and especially in front of colleagues.
Please help!
Traumatized Musician
Dear Traumatized Musician,
We have all been there – most likely both as the recipient of unwanted advice in public, and as a witness of a teacher being harsh to a student. You may have just gotten the short end of the stick and have an overly critical or insensitive teacher. Have you noticed similar behavior towards other students, or do you feel as if this is directed only at you?
The bare truth of the matter is that classical music is a harsh environment. It’s very competitive, can be incredibly stressful, takes an inordinate amount of time and energy, and compares people in public. It’s almost impossible to not take criticism personally, but we have to do everything we can to take a step back, a deep breath.
Traumatized Musician – I have an uncomfortable question for you. Do you agree with the teacher’s assessment? If so, listen to the teacher, and ask them for help to find a way to correct the flaw. No matter how annoyed you are at these comments, listen to the criticism in a calm way and then brainstorm a way to fix the problem.
Stay positive. You are there to learn and to train yourself for a career. In this particular case, your learning may not be about your instrument, but rather how to navigate situations and persist and stay strong when you are feeling insulted or belittled.
Criticism is not about trying to make you feel bad. This teacher might have been asking a straight-forward question. Examine that question. What about your practicing didn’t work under pressure? How can you stay solid under pressure? It is the type of practice, the amount, or the the at your body reacts to stress that you can investigate? Do you need to perform more often to be able to control your technique?
Ask your teacher for advice. Work hard. Work differently. Take this moment as an opportunity. It’s not a door closed in your face, but a chance to open a new door and find a new path.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
A teacher questioning if you practiced is a perfectly legitimate question. If this upsets you, perhaps it’s not the career for you…
Traumatized? Oh puhlease!
I find both question and answer pretty senseless. If a student has such a reaction to such a basic comment being made in public, he/she should give up the idea of learning an instrument or find a more agreeable teacher. And if a teacher suggests that because a student once before played a passage in tune, they cannot have lapses, he/she should not be in the business of teaching!
Jeez, if you can’t learn to take feedback and be interrogated on your professional practice when you are a student then you stand no chance in the real world. Toughen up, grow up and get some backbone and build your resilience. Stop expecting to be molly-coddled and wrapped in cotton wool your whole life. Success is what you make it and that takes constant hard work. You might have a talent, but you are not that great, not yet at least. So the questioning was totally legitimate. Get used to it. A world class conductor will do the same to you in front of an entire orchestra one day, that’s if you get to that level – which you won’t do unless you practice.
*Traumatized viola player.
Public humiliation in front of one’s peers is not the best way to encourage a young musician to be more attentive to their intonation. While the teacher is highlighting an issue that the student needs to elevate, and rightly so, it is also their responsibility to do so with decorum and empathy. A teacher is doing much more than just imparting advice concerning instrumental playing.
At my conservatory, I am triggered and traumatized by any demand on me to improve. I literally cry and shake so much, I need to put my instrument down and seek a safe space to recover.