Dear Alma, My stand partner shoves Trump in my face
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
My standpartner is an ardent supporter of Donald Trump. He is constantly bringing up politics, even though he is aware that I don’t share his views in the slightest. I try to politely smile and not respond, but it’s gotten so that I feel physically ill as rehearsals approach. Last week he even showed up with a Trump tshirt on under his button-down shirt, and revealed it once he was sitting down. He makes under the breath comments constantly – derogatory and slanderous comments towards democrats. I am going out of my mind. Alma – is it wrong to push back – to wear a Kamala shirt? I feel pushed down and bullied. And I am sick of it.
Signed,
Had enough
Dear Had Enough,
I get it. He is incessantly talking about something that causes stress in the work environment, resulting in decreased productivity and increased anxiety for those around him.
How can it stop? How can calm and order be restored? Let’s look at several things that may be causing this, possible solutions, and things to be cautious of going forward.
I know it’s no excuse, but some people are just completely out of it. They aren’t aware of how their behaviors and words affect others. Be clear and tell him you do not want to discuss or hear about politics at work. If he brings it up again, be even more direct – “I do not want to talk about or hear about politics at work.” Don’t worry about offending him. Be straight forward and clear.
Has it occurred to you that he may be purposefully trying to sabotage you? To get a reaction so that he can complain to management? Don’t bite at this low hanging fruit. Stay your course, don’t respond to his provocations. Some people are inherently terrible – narcissistic and manipulative. Stay aware and protect yourself from this dangerous taunting.
Keep documentation of his offenses, dates and details, including the times when you asked him to stop talking about this topic. You may need this proof if things get more heated and you are called in to discuss the situation with management.
Had Enough, do you feel as if you are being harassed? Does your orchestra have any harassment or behavior code documents- best practices or expected conduct? If your race, gender or religion is being degraded, you may have protection from your employer.
In the short term, ask for a seat change. The quicker you can get away from this toxic maniac the better.
Be smart, remain cool, take a step back and a big breath. There are times to take the bait, but this is not one of them.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
I feel bad for the stand partner. In a typical American orchestra of any size conservatives are outnumbered by liberals 10 to 1 if not more. Being on the right side of the aisle can be job threatening. If you’re on the board you can publicly declare support for Harris but you don’t dare support Trump. This whiner’s orchestra should do what one local group did: a new policy: NO t-shirts or other garments espousing ANY political or religious ideology.
Nothing about Trump is conservative. We must dismiss that silly notion. He espouses no traditional values. He is a cult leader, grifter, and convicted criminal who is only in politics for his own personal gain. When will the right finally figure this out, and select a true conservative as a leader — someone who through their beliefs, words, and actions is deserving of everyone’s respect, even if some of us may disagree with their policies?
They are all in politics for their own personal gain!
Oh, a bit like Kamala Harris then!!!
People who support the modern equivalent of Hitler SHOULD be shunned. And thankfully most people who value culture and civilization by definition oppose him.
Cheap, low-resolution non-argument.
This is so true. Not being in lockstep with far leftist nutcases is dangerous in the classical music field.
Of course we all agree that DEI work is an absolute necessity. Of course we all feel that we program too much music by Dead White Men. Of course we all feel that we should look like the communities we serve. Of course we all feel that featuring composers from historically marginalized groups will create new audiences. Of course we all feel that classical music is consistent with white supremacy. Of course we all admire musicians that the media labels as being innovative.
One is not allowed to disagree with anything in the doctrine.
Who writes this crap? It can’t be genuine – the letter or the response. Laughable!
The best way to stop trumpist string players is to bang them on the head with your instrument.
Hi Johnny: Just to be clear, are you advocating for political violence?
But it happens regularly in symphony orchestras. Last June, during a performance of Mahler VI, a fight broke out in the Orchestre National de Bergerac in the finale between the 1st violins and woodwinds, who were macronists, and the 2nd violins and violas who supported the Ressentiment National. While the brass continued their parts, the percussionist who had to handle the famous hammer blow came in between the parties, threatening with his equipment, and immediately restored calm.
Sorry, John, but no: “When they go low we go high”.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a viola player…..
when you go to work you
do not have a choice who
you work with. but i have
also made some good friends at work.
Yes, I have a top job here, can arrange my own hours, eat and drink when I want, I can watch youtube sitcoms and listen to Pli selon Pli, have many friendships with staff, the only irritant is the typing I have to do and a boss reminding me of that all the time. But for the rest: houray for music life!
Sally
Years ago I had to deal with a despicable board member at work. My young…and wise beyond his years…assistant consoled me by saying that I only had to put up with her eight hours day. She had to live with herself for 24.
Is there any reason at all to suppose the despicable board member must have been unhappy, self-tortured, eaten up by distress? Ah, it’s lovely to think that about horrible people, but is it *true*?
“All horrible people live in conditions entirely created by themselves.” Dr Beverley Hofstadter in her famous book ‘The Disappointing Child’.
As US newsman Dan Rather used to say at the end of his broadcasts: “Courage”.
I can think of a few worse scenarios.
Like… a section-mate with super bad flatulence…
…when you’re a wind/brass player….
…and they love fast-food Chinese take-out….
But yeah, a Trumper would be bad, too.
So just shove him back up his arse!!
Dear Had Enough,
If your standpartner is reasonably disturbing your work environment you should tell him, and if the situation continues talk to the manager. However, it seems that you are overreacting to the fact that your standpartner has other political views than yours, and that you are collecting information to “cancell” him. In this case you are also a problem.
Sincerely,
Pff
Your stand partner sounds like a weirdo.
Hey libs thats how normal people (a.k.a conservatives) experience your unhinged woke behaviors every day 🙂
We don’t embrace Nazis like your side consistently does, nor do we stage terrorist coups. Typical false equivalence from the right.
@Tom: Er, yes, you do. The ‘pro-Pal’ mania reflects 1930s attitudes towards Jews and it is the left who are responsible for the vast majority of acts of wanton vandalism, intimidation and aggression on and towards those who do not share their, er, ‘values’.
I’ll say it. It never happened.
Bless your heart…poor thing.
It would be best if the ensemble you play for simply prohibited shirts advocating for political or religious causes, but they may or may not be inclined to such a policy. Absent such a policy, I don’t think you should make demands about his attire. It would be entirely appropriate, however, for you to clearly and strongly state that you don’t care to discuss politics at work – whatever the topic, it’s rude for someone to insist on discussing something another has indicated they have no interest in. Personally, I think it is pretty tacky for people to wear campaign tshirts to rehearsal. You’re there to play music, not attend a political rally.
Dear Had Enough,
This is how normal people feel when they’re around virtue-signalling ‘democrats’.
People frequently use “virtue-signalling” as a sneer, but I can never work out what is supposed to be wrong about signalling virtue.
I offered your question to ChatGPT, and the following answer came in 10 seconds:
“Virtue-signalling” refers to the act of expressing opinions or sentiments that demonstrate one’s good character or moral correctness, often with the implication that such expressions are more about gaining social approval than about genuine commitment to the values being expressed. Here are some reasons why people might criticize virtue-signalling:
1. **Insincerity**: Critics argue that virtue-signalling can indicate a lack of genuine commitment to the values being espoused. If someone is more focused on appearing virtuous rather than actually engaging in meaningful actions that reflect those values, it can come across as disingenuous.
2. **Performative Activism**: Some people view virtue-signalling as a form of performative activism, where individuals or organizations express support for social causes primarily to enhance their image rather than to effect real change. This can lead to a superficial understanding of complex issues.
3. **Social Approval**: The act of virtue-signalling is often seen as a way to seek social validation or approval from peers. Critics argue that this can promote a culture of conformity, where individuals feel pressured to express certain views not out of conviction, but to fit in or be perceived positively.
4. **Dilution of Serious Issues**: When virtue-signalling becomes a substitute for substantive action, it can dilute the seriousness of important social issues. Critics argue that focusing on signaling rather than addressing root causes can hinder progress.
5. **Division and Polarization**: In some cases, virtue-signalling can lead to division among groups, as people may use it to signal superiority over others who do not share the same views or who express them differently. This can create an “us vs. them” mentality.
6. **Distraction from Action**: Critics may argue that virtue-signalling can distract from real, actionable solutions to social problems. Instead of engaging in meaningful dialogue or taking practical steps, individuals may focus on expressing their beliefs in a way that does not contribute to real-world change.
While expressing virtue and advocating for good causes is important, the criticism of virtue-signalling highlights the potential pitfalls of focusing on appearances over actions. It raises questions about authenticity, the motivations behind expressions of virtue, and the impact of those expressions on social discourse and activism.
So it’s not virtue-signalling *as such* that’s sneerworthy; only when it isn’t conjoined with appropriate action. Well, yes; that was always seen as hypocrisy.
That’s one aspect of it. However, check out point 3 above: “this can promote a culture of conformity, where individuals feel pressured to express certain views not out of conviction, but to fit in or be perceived positively.”
ChatGPT could further elaborate (but didn’t) that in a ‘culture of conformity’—such as today’s cancel culture—the ‘virtues’ being signaled are often not truly virtuous; they vary in quality and easily descend into outright vices. As I understand, this aspect is also usually present in the term ‘virtue-signalling’ as it is being used.
ChatGPT’s output often reeks of virtue-signalling, so it was candid enough to critique it’s own behavior even to the extent that it did.
Dear Had Enough – hang in till November then it will all be over unless Mr. T loses and claims it was stolen all over again.
He’s already started the previews.
“I want you to argue with them and get in their face”
– Barak Obama describing how he would like his supporters to engage with their neighbors regarding the 2008 election
Engage with him on Trump. Tell him that it’s so fascinating that he only has one topic of conversation. Ask him when he got interested in Trump, which of his family members like Trump? Has he ever been to a Trump rally? What was it like? Bore him to death on his own topic.
I like it. Ask him what he thinks Trump will do for working artists like himself.
This is not a bad idea. Press these people hard on the facts and they usually fold like a paper napkin.
I completely sympathise with your musical colleague. We get nothing but leftist everywhere and, boy, they hate it when anybody doesn’t share their exquisite opinions. I’m admiring this man and his stick-it-to-them attitude. Better get used to it; Trump is going to get the job done in November. Then what will poor little snowflake do then?
Dear Had Enough,
Dump him.
May I suggest, you ask if he knows the former President’s opinion on the meaning of the ‘Tristan’ chord and its alternate resolutions? Tell him (or her) the answer to that ‘will determine your openness to hearing any future dissertation of his on Donald J. Trump and American Presidential politics’ and unless he can properly discuss that subject, you have little to say to him and he/she has nothing to say to you.’ He/she should get the message…unless they’re deliberately being annoying and obnoxious in which case you may have a great reason to speak with the orchestra manager about him/her.