Dear Alma, Will I ever get to spend summer with my family?
OrchestrasDear Alma,
I was with a bunch of orchestra friends and a few beers the other night when we realised none of us could remember the last family vacation. Like a proper holiday, up a mountain, beside a beach, or in Disneyland, somewhere that family comes first.
My pals spend their summer in Bayreuth, others in Glyndebourne, Lucerne, wherever. I’m an alternate player in the Vienna Philharmonic. That means eight weeks in Salzburg – not the worst place on earth, with pleasant family accommodation in a city apartment. I have also been offered a mountain chalet.
Nice, but it’s not a family break. I’m working, my wife’s frustrated, the kids are bored. They are growing up. I see them slipping away in their teens.
The money, by the way, is great. Ever since recording dried up, it’s our single biggest annual bonus.
So how do I break the cycle?
Summer woes
Dear Summer woes,
Yes I hear you. Working is great, having money to support you family is imperative. Finding the family balance and protecting your relationships, the most important of all.
First, in the short run, realize that vacation doesn’t have to be in the summer. A short weekend away during the year, or a 6 day trip to an exotic location. All of these can brighten your family’s mood. In Salzburg, work with your wife and kids to find a summer activity that would entertain them – a course or class or sport. Allow them to each have a friend come stay for a visit, including your wife, of course. Or maybe they want to stay at home while you are working for part or all of the time.
When our kids turn 13, they get to choose a location anywhere in the world to go as a family. They start to think about it years in advance, checking out travel guides from the library and watching travel shows. The only rule it that it can’t be a dangerous location. Otherwise they can work within our saved budget, and they plan the travel, activities and housing. It’s a great empowering tool, and fun to see them owning a part of our collective family experience. And a chance for me to do something I never thought I would do. Skydiving. Deep sea diving. Staying in a jungle camp. For teenagers, it brings them back into the family fold. If you feel like you are losing your teenagers, I would highly recommend this. We have had such a good time that they have asked for a second round when they are 19.
Next up for us is French Polynesia in one year. So far it means sleeping on a boat, taking a cooking class, and trekking to a hidden archeological site. I can’t wait to see it all unfold.
Summer woes, enjoy your summer in Salzburg. Go find Nannerl’s tombstone. For the kids (Salzburg can be kind-of snooze-worthy for teens) try the zip line (one of the longest in the world), mountain biking, archery, the ropes course, or laser tag. You can even fly your own airplane with a little training. I often do Geocaching with my family when we are in a new location – tons of fun and can bring you to all kinds of new locations. It sounds like you are in as much of a rut as your family. Get out and enjoy, and take a chance on something new and exciting.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
Yeah, right. Dream on.
Dear summer woes, vacations between January and early March costs about half the price of summer vacations. Nothing is packed, except perhaps for winter resorts when they luck out and have good snow. Don’t schools have vacation days during that period?
If you can only get real time off in less alluring weather, take some of that fabulous money and get them off somewhere summery — the Caribbean or South America, Mexico, Morocco, other southerly parts of the Med, or somewhere cool in the Canaries.
I don’t know Salzburg, but some of Alma’s suggestions sound possible for kids.
And the family can get away from Salzburg in Austria — there’s lots they could do with a few days in Vienna, just for starters.
Good ideas V. Lind. I would love to do that long zip line! I looked it up and it’s superman-style.
Any chance of not doing the full eight weeks in Salzburg? Not sure how it works with the Bayreuth orchestra, but many others manage to combine a bit of extra festival money with having a family holiday either before or after (sometimes in the middle, too).
How much leeway do you have as a VPO alternate?
Well, to be a bit cynical, those teens could make a project of counting the number of racist FPÖ Party, quasi-Nazi campaign posters plastering the streets of Salzburg. Or perhaps they could document the racist statements the FPÖ regularly makes in media. The big problem is that enjoying Salzburg requires a good amount of tubular vision. It’s best not to see a lot of things. A sampling of examples here:
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste_rechtsextremer_und_neonazistischer_Vorf%C3%A4lle_in_der_FP%C3%96
On the other hand, with Meloni in Italy, Wilders in the Netherlands, the National Rally in France, the AfD in Germany, Orban in Hungary, and Trump in the USA, maybe we should just take that as normal (as it is no doubt seen by many SD readers.) Unless, of course, Alma has a solution like the longest zip line in the world to distract us.
Not so fast about Trump: he is at large, but presently not in power. Let us not make predictions. History is littered with false predictions.
I’m bracing for a Trump victory, but whether he wins or not, the sort of politics related to Trumpism will remain a major political force in the USA.
Correct. Just yesterday the collected left in France hat stopped Ressentiment National of Le Pen in its tracks, with crowds jeering at the Place de la République waving Palestinian flags.
this is a problem with some countries.
they are beautiful but
the politics are not
so nice.
The Austrians never watched ‘The Sound of Music’, that’s why.
Maybe the politics are trying to keep the countries nice.
Great! The kids can go to the FPÖ Summer Camp.
Dear Alma,
No-one in the classical music profession believes a single word of your made-up bullshit ‘letters’.
Sincerely,
All of us.
Dear Guest Principal,
I can’t imagine what would make you so angry. No one makes you read anything. It doesn’t matter if it is made up or not, and it certainly isn’t bullshit either way. It’s a legitimate issue. No advice column can prove that the questions are from a particular person. They are anonymous by default and should be read as entertainment or ideas, the legitimacy of the questions is besides the point. We could also say that you are a made-up bullshit thing. You didn’t put your name down or give any evidence. That doesn’t mean that we disregard or get angry at your response.
You seem to have anger management issues. I wouldn’t want to be sitting in your section, if it does in fact exist.
‘It doesn’t matter if it is made up or not’.
Strange way to approach the world, but you do you.
Love these ideas. Yes it’s easy to work and not involve the family. It takes the extra effort.
How about turning the summer gig into an opportunity, rather than a hindrance? If the children have the slightest interest in classical music, they are very fortunate indeed to have a parent who is so active and well connected in the profession (as any professional musician who grew up in a *non-musician* family will attest). If the children can be trusted not to be disruptive, how about arranging for them to observe a couple of rehearsals? Or, find some like-minded players and organise a chamber-music recital/play-through for the families? Or, if the spouse/children are reasonably accomplished on a musical instrument, a few sessions in which they get to play chamber music alongside the professionals? Handle this effectively, and the OP could give his/her family (and families of other players) a magical experience they will treasure forever…
If he children had the slightest interest in classical music it would be less of a problem. What are the odds?
Gee, after all the time everyone had to spend with their families during Covid, I thought that this would never come up.