Dear Alma, I lent money to the concertmaster….
UncategorizedDear Alma
On our last tour I lent 200 Euros to the concertmaster to buy a new Eton shirt.
We came home a month ago and he has shown no sign of paying me back.
I’m a section violinist. I don’t like to get noticed. How do I get my money back?
Out of Pocket
Dear Out of Pocket,
Loaning money to co-workers, or, worse, a superior at work, should be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, you generously helped a colleague with a heap of money, but depending on the vibe of your situation, I would be prepared to chalk it up as a loss. It sounds as if the two of you are not on very close terms, so getting the money back will require a bit of effort.
Find a time to gently remind your concertmaster about the loan, perhaps on a day (soon) when they are wearing the shirt. You can say something along the lines of “is that the shirt you picked up in M…..? I was happy to be able to help you with the €200, and was hoping to have that back before the end of the week because (insert reason here) my goldfish needs a facelift”.
Hopefully they aren’t being sly or using the obvious power inequality to skip out on the loan, but if they balk, I would probably just call it “lesson learned”.
Once, when I had a new position in a new city, a coworker “loaned” a piece of furniture to me as I was getting set up in a new apartment. It was useful for us and they mentioned at some point that it had been in storage for a long time and they had been trying to sell it (unsuccessfully). After 1 year, we moved and didn’t need it anymore. I mentioned that I could return it. My colleague asked if I could sell it. It was obvious they didn’t want it anymore, and it would be slightly awkward if I drove it to their place to drop it off. So, I just gave them €150 and told them I sold it (I just left it on the street and put a “free” sign on it). They were very happy, and it avoided an awkward situation. It was worth it to protect the good feelings, and actually helped to foster a feeling of good will. After that, I never accepted “loans” of unwanted furniture from friends or colleagues.
Out of Pocket, I am happy to pick up a lunch or coffee tab here or there but I never loan more cash than I am prepared to lose for good. It just leads to potential misunderstandings, a tricky thing at work.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
Concertmasters make WAY more money than section players — he should have treated YOU to a shirt!
i lent money to a co worker
in the office. he did not wish
to pay me back. i asked him
20 times. in the end i did get my money back. in the end it works. do not be shy.
Exactly. Keep on it.
Rule 1: never lend money to work colleagues or family. It always ends in tears.
You might just have to suck it up and wise up in this case.
Do not chalk it up, get the money back. If you don’t, you’ll just send out the message that you don’t respect yourself.
Reminds me of the times well known (and highly paid conductors) have asked us rank and file players doing an out of town gig to pay for their taxi to or from station, plus meals out (“sorry guys I seem to have forgotten my wallet”) Sadly that’s the ‘maestro’ trick you fall for a couple of times when you’re young and impressionable.
I had to chase up far more than that from an opera singer, one of the most famous in the world. It took time, he paid up and couldn’t have been nicer when we worked together again. Sometimes they’re just so obsessed with their own lives that they forget. It’s not an excuse, but it helps us when formulating our recovery plan.
Wasn’t me…
Tell the dead beat to pay up. Let’s all say this together, “Concertmasters aren’t gods”. They make more money to fiddle than you. That’s it. Don’t let bad behavior win over what’s right.
At the Aspen Music Festival in 2002, I loaned my white dinner jacket to a now famous solo violinist to perform in. I never got it back and often wondered if I should send them an email reminder. Their first name begins with the letter T. Maybe they’ll see this and remember 😀
Tasmin Little has retired.
Not Tasmin. Keep guessing. This one’s definitely still very active.
Does their last name end with a Z?
Somehow I fail to see how this should be so awkward to bring up directly especially in this era of text messages if face to face is presumed to be painful. Even musicians are adults.
Exactly. What a bunch of precious darlings. Can you imagine this scenario in any other group of workers? They’d rip the shirt right off your back again.
Just find a quiet time and ask “how the shirt”. Leaders are busy people and he/she has probably forgotten. They’re not ogres – really – I know lots personally. Just be brave and forward.
Do not overthink it; assume that the leader is an honourable person who just needs a simple and factual reminder of the debt owed, and who will probably be even more embarrassed than you for having overlooked it for so long. A month is already a long time, and it is prudent not to leave it any longer (in general, people prefer to be notified/reminded of money owed in a prompt manner, rather than having the debt sprung upon them many months or years later “out of the blue”).
The debt call-in can be framed politely and gently, yet in a manner that treats as self-evident that the debtor intends to repay. Examples may include:
*”Dear maestro, I do not appear to have received repayment of the EUR200 I lent to you on the last tour. Could you let me know once you have made the repayment, so that I can confirm receipt without delay.”;
*”Dear maestro, I am still awaiting repayment of the EUR200 I lent to you on the last tour — is there any further information you require from me to arrange repayment? If writing a cheque, please address it to “Ms O.O. Pocket”. Or my sort code and bank-account number are …”;
*”Dear maestro, My sort code and bank-account number are as follows. Let me know when you have made the EUR200 payment, and I will confirm receipt.”.
I lent £15 to a Principal Nr 3 violinist who I know reads this blog. He’d lost his wallet.
It’s not a lot, and I wouldn’t have minded never getting it back, but I felt he played games with me about giving it back. ‘oh, I most remember that next time’ and then not remembering. On my tutti salary I was struggling to support my wife and new born at the time… Even a little bit of power corrupts.
I’ve NEVER seen a viola player buy a nice shirt.
This is similar to the Dover Quartet where the first violinist paid for travel costs but did not bill the quartet until many years later when the violist left due to toxic work environment provided by the first violinist. There is a legal dispute between the first violinist and the former violist now regarding this.
Send him this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXId5jOTxdg&ab_channel=wheelsongenius
I once had a desk diary with a form of proverb on every page. One was very simple. Never lend money to a friend for you will lose both the money and the friend!
As concertmaster, taking money from coworkers is a perk of the job they earned it in blood, sweat and tears.