Dear Alma, A brass player grabbed my ass…

More problems for our agony aunt:

Dear Alma

A male brass player in my orchestra just groped my ass. His wife, five months pregnant, goes to the ante-natal class I teach. We live in a small town in north Germany. There is no-one I can tell but you.

Advice, please.

Hot and Bothered

Dear Hot and Bothered,

Being the recipient of an unwanted pass can take a person off guard, leaving them confused and unsure of what to do. In your case, you have two added complications of a work environment and the fact that this is the husband of a friend.

Make it very clear to the husband that you are not on the same page as him, staying calm and respectful. Say something such as “I am not sure if I I am misinterpreting this, but it seems as if you are coming on to me, and I am not interested”. That way he can backpedal and you two can consider the whole thing water under the bridge. If they don’t pick up the clue phone, you can also mention that you know their spouse, and for how long, so they understand that you respect your relationship with their spouse and that you are loyal to them. Hopefully they will also hear the veiled threat that you will tell your friend what has happened. Chalk it up to a misunderstanding the first time, but if the behavior continues, you may consider speaking to your friend in private.

Hot and Bothered, you might feel creeped out or yucky after being put in this awkward situation, but just stay calm and collected. Observe him and his interactions with others, and if he hits on you again, or you notice a pattern of him hitting on other people, you may want to sit with your friend and bring the subject up, in a non-judge-mental or emotional way. You could even open the topic by asking if she has ever been concerned about her husband flirting with other people.

Be there for your friend. Listen to them and judge whether or not they are ready or interested in hearing about the incident. She is in a particularly sensitive moment being 5 months pregnant, and she will need a supportive ear more than ever as she continues towards welcoming a new, wonderful person into the world.

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com