Dear Alma, They made me concertmaster and now I’ve no friends

From our agony aunt’s mailbag:

Dear Alma,

I am a good high school violinist. My mom just got a new job and we moved. We used to live in a big city and now we live in a smaller college town. The school conductor made me concertmaster and now it’s very difficult for me to make friends. People are angry that I just showed up and am sitting in front. To make matters worse I just won the concerto competition. I can hear people talking about me – calling me stuck up. I am trying to make friends but it’s really hard. I even asked the conductor to put me in the back of the section but he won’t. I practiced very hard and now it’s coming back to bite me. Do you have any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Front

Dear Stuck in the Front,

You have just stepped into a new situation – a new town, a new school, and a new set of expectations. It’s not going to be easy, but if we take a moment to asses the situation and make a plan, this might end up being a terrific learning opportunity for you.

You have a new job, a job that you don’t have training for. It’s like being hired to be a new manager of an old company. You have a director above you and a network of workers below you. You have a net of co-workers who are nearly your equals (the principal players) as well as a large group of people who do the grunt work.

The first thing I would do is have a meeting with your boss, the conductor. Find out what they are looking for in a concertmaster, and what you can do to accomplish these things. Ask for a map of the orchestra with names (and preferably photos) of your new crew. Memorize their names.

Be prepared, be professional, walk the walk. It’s not your job to be liked, it’s you job to be a liaison between the administration and the students. You are there to anticipate problems and to solve them. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun, but build your reputation by acting fairly and with equality to everyone in the room.

What does your orchestra need from you? They want to be the best they can be, and by leading with excellence, they will accomplish this goal. Set up a meeting with the students to have a chance to get to know one another and share ideas. Create a community or begin to join the existing one. Ignite their passions and help people follow through with projects. Maybe someone wants to design an orchestra t-shirt. Maybe people want to play chamber music after school or offer free lessons to younger kids. Or have a pizza delivery once a month during class! Delegate this work and you will find people who are passionate and love what they do. Set up regular meetings to follow through with these ideas and to have a place to share concerns.

You will learn valuable life-lessons through this experience. Communicate, delegate, and be a good example, and in time you will find a way to navigate this new path.

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com