Dear Alma, Must I go out with a donor?

Dear Alma,

I’m an oboist in a good orchestra, 32 years old, female, between relationships.

A major donor has invited me to dinner at his house. I informed the orchestra president who said this guy has given $750,000 and promises more. He’s about 60, divorced, presentable, owns a large and very uninteresting chunk of industry..

The message I got from the president is that I should accept the dinner invitation.

My gut says, No. I’m being used as fishbait.

What say you?

Small Fry

Dear Small Fry,

There is not a clear-cut answer for you today. Before we look at your particular situation, let’s talk about the history and importance of patronage. Arts patrons have existed since ancient times, first the church or state, and later the aristocracy and a new class of well-to-do merchants (such as the Medici).

The results were thousands of works of art, music, sculpture and more. These patrons wanted to decorate their churches and palazzos with enviable art, to have the best possible music for Bob’s wedding or coolest triptych in the entrance hall. From Leonardo DaVinci to Beethoven, Peggy Guggenheim to King Ludwig II of Bavaria, a wealthy patron is happy to be part of a mutual relationship which gives them recognition, social cachet, and which supports the artist and allows for creative output.

As a musician, I have had many patrons, some of whom loaned me a legendary instrument (in exchange for concerts and including them in my press materials), paid for travel to competitions or workshops when I was just starting out, put me up or found housing for me, and paid for newly commissioned works or recording projects. I got to know some of them very well, and some I kept a firm distance. With these patrons, I have eaten some of the most exquisite food (some cooked by their own hands in their kitchens), had memorable conversation, and travelled to places I would not have been able to visit. I have stayed in their houses and taken their dogs for walks. Some were creepy, some crossed lines, and some are amongst my closest friends to this day. I learned how to quickly asses each person and situation, and made plenty of mistakes early on. It has been (and continues to be) an integral part of my life, and has given me such deep experiences, enriching my life through both activities and personal relationships.

Small Fry, I would not go out on a private date with this person. I would, however, go to a larger gathering which includes musicians and staff of your orchestra and several patrons. Think of what you might take away from this. Maybe this patron would like to host an evening concert of your woodwind quintet, or sponsor your recording of the 144 Preludes by Franz Wilhelm Ferling. Perhaps you will find a new relationship as productive as Baroness von Meck and Tchaikovsky. In that case, however, the two were fated to never meet during their intense, 13 year relationship, even when living in the same estate. Now, that’s quite a feat!

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