Dear Alma, Can a woman in an orchestra have it all?
Daily Comfort ZoneFrom our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
Fresh out of college I have moved to the city where my boyfriend lives and won a place on audition in its orchestra. I was not prepared for what I found. The orchestra, once well known, is now far from world class. Its audience is elderly and so are most of the musicians.
The old hands look on me as a greenhorn and imposter and keep giving me tips on how to play my instrument. Fact is, I’m a far better player than they ever were but I can’t say that.
The conductor is a fly-in Frenchman, sees nothing, does nothing.
My problem: do I stick it out a couple of years, or do I audition for a top orchestra 1,000 miles away and put my relationship at risk? He’s cute, my guy, but I’m not sure he’s forever.
Di Lemma
Dear Di Lemma,
Sounds like you are in a pretty sweet situation. You have a job, a cute boyfriend, and you are comfortable in your city. I would say to you – why not “have it all”? Some say it’s a myth, this idea that a woman can have a career AND xyz – you name it – relationship, happiness, family, solar-powered cashmere slippers….
Keep your job. Learn the pieces, how to navigate the job, how to get along with a variety of co-workers. Act in such a way that your main purpose is to have a shining reference when you land your level-up job. And practice your tuchus off. Take auditions (being up front and respectful of your current job). Your boyfriend, if he is worth his weight in salt, will follow you when you land the Big Kahuna of positions. And if he doesn’t follow you, you will have learned to set the bar (appropriately) high for your future partners.
Di Lemma, you are young and ambitious. Take life by the horns, but be smart about it. Save your money, work hard at your current job, and climb that ladder. That’s what it’s there for.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
“Fact is, I’m a far better player than they ever were but I can’t say that.”
And then they wonder why they aren’t enjoying it: those are some fairly toxic levels of self-regard. In fairness, we’re all kids once and the correspondent is probably the product of one of those colleges (there are still too many) that are only interested in training soloists. Possibly they know no better (see the assumption that – straight out of college – they’re already entitled to a place in a “world-class” ensemble).
Relationship aside, they’d do well to spend some time knuckling down, learning the craft of orchestral playing the only way it can be learned (day in, day out, doing the job) and perhaps even listening with a modicum of respect to what their more experienced colleagues have to say.
There’s a point in every young instrumentalist’s life when they imagine that only a principal position in the Vienna Phil is worthy of their brilliance. Then they meet reality and it isn’t always comfortable. The secret is to learn – without prejudice – from all those irrelevant “elderly” players who have made a life this way and might even know more than you about what it means to pursue (and enjoy) the actual, real-life career of a professional artist. It isn’t always glamorous. Sorry. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be rewarding.
I could do with an orchestra to conduct. Spent 38 years RLPO
Now 78 not revs per minute .
Anyone need me ? Free of charge .
My only regret in life is buying a Bentley Azure ,it serves no purpose whatsoever Still in Liverpool but would enjoy driving ( that car) to rehearsals and at least one only concert .
I had the same experience and was given the same advice. It’s good advice but move on as quickly as possible. Believe it or not, some of those older players were in your situation. They may not have been as good as you but they were a lot better than they are now. There’s a reason that happens. It’s tough swimming against the current.
Just an advice, respect the older colleagues, maybe you’ll play far worse than them at their age.
And welcome to the real world.
This is interesting. I was in a similar situation out of school but the older players never attempted to instruct me in anything other than the art of figuring out where to park around the concert hall.
Being a ‘player’ and an orchestral musician may be mutually exclusive. The latter will give you the full credibility for the former; and ‘player’ has more than one meaning. ‘Team’ springs to mind.
Yes – good – stay tight and do a good job, and keep taking auditions!
The writer comes across as self centred. Her comments are indicative of today’s young.
“The orchestra, once well known, is now far from world class… The conductor is a fly-in Frenchman”
Assuming the orchestra is American, there are only two that fit that literal description:
Cincinnati with Langrée
St. Louis with Denève
As for “elderly musicians” as a clue, I looked at the roster, well, that depends on the perspective of this fresh-out-of-college snot-nosed musician, everybody is old to Generation Z.
Let me say this to Ms. Di Lemma, if you could’ve gotten into a better orchestra and if you could’ve gotten a better keeper of a boyfriend, you would’ve already from the beginning.
Face reality and start investing in the retirement plan of your current orchestra.