Dear Alma, I think I crossed a line
NewsDear Alma
I am a veteran university music teacher at a reputable school. Recently, I have been having feelings for one of my graduate students. It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before, and I have good self control and good behavior. In this case, I feel as if I may have crossed the line, possibly leaving a hand on her shoulder too long, and I asked if she would like to meet for coffee. She did not respond and I think I made her feel uncomfortable. It was a mistake. What should I do?
Where is the line?
Dear Where is the Line,
You and I both know you have crossed the line. The question is, what now. What to do? The student also knows you have acted inappropriately. Will she report you to the administration? Or is it so mild that you can self-correct and hope it’s all water under the bridge? If you do just continue, ignoring what happened and hope it will disappear, and you do get called in for reprimand, please do be up front about it and admit what happened. Should you mention to the student that you are sorry that you put her in an awkward position asking her to coffee, and it won’t happen again? Only you can asses if that will fix the situation or just make it worse.
Where is the Line, you seem like a decent person, who just happened to have a blip of a moment where you lost your professionalism and wits. Write down the dates and exact details of the incidents for your personal records, and talk to a trusted friend about it so you have a record of the events from your side of the story if there is any action taken against you.
Tasks a breath, collect yourself and make sure that you are are above reproach for that student and all others from this second forward. Take extra precautions in the near and far future, and concentrate on your job, which is to guide and teach these young people towards a healthy and happy career in music. We all make mistakes. It’s how you handle it after which will show us what kind of person you are. Be the best kind.
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