Dear Alma, I am a violist, beaten up by a violinist
OrchestrasFrom our agony aunt:
Dear Alma,
I am an adult amateur violist; a retired professional who plays in my local adult orchestra and in a string quartet. My problem is my first violinist. She is very harsh in rehearsals, accusatory, and it makes things uncomfortable. Our group is well-matched in terms of ability, and I like how we play together. Out of rehearsal we get along fine, but in quartet it’s like she is a different person.
Feeling Beat Up
Dear Feeling Beat Up,
The good news here is that you have found a satisfying outlet for your music, with the added bonus of liking your partners. Unfortunately, the problem you describe above is not uncommon for any age or level of group. There is something about a classical music rehearsal which can bring out the ogre in some (all, let’s be honest here) people. Not everyone is aware of their actions or the effects they have on others, and personal wishes, conflicting advice from others, and the pressure to perform well in front of colleagues can turn a good mood into a sour one in an instant.
Let’s talk about a couple of ideas to smooth things out and to foster good will amongst your group.
First, don’t take it personally. Remain calm, optimistic, and professional.
Secondly, suggest going for a coffee together on a non-rehearsal day, to talk about quartet. Make a document where people can suggest topics to discuss – you might be surprised with the things that others find concerning.
Thirdly, having a sense of humor can really help dispel tension. If you can find a way to laugh together, a negative aura can disappear in a snap.
Fourthly, I like to occasionally ask if I can record the rehearsal, to listen to while taking a jog or on the tube to work. Then I share to our group chat. It’s an easy way for anyone to do some autocorrect, including myself!
The main point is that we all make mistakes of judgement when rehearsing, and by finding a regular time to share our concerns, we can come together to enjoy the magic of chamber music without the baggage of accidental bad behavior. As Goethe said, chamber music is “four rational people conversing”. Now if we can just get rational…..🤗
Please send me your questions and comments, I love hearing from you. DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
To err is human. To really foul things up requires a viola player.
No, that takes you, Fred.
How do you get two violinists to play in unison?
Shoot one
Why are most viola jokes so short?
So that violinists can remember them.
I am about two articles like this away from blocking this site. It’s the equivalent of Science magazine reporting on a retired grandpa playing with a chemistry set in his garage where they blow up stuff for fun with his friend. Except his friend is bullying him for not blowing it up with enough gusto.
Real worthy of being published on one of the few classical music blogs we have…
Simon – any news site has a variety of offerings. Do you always read every section? Sports, weather, obit….?
Triggered, Simon?
Maybe Simon is the Perv Teacher? Can’t handle reading the truth.
Lighten up, Simon. It’s fun to read something entertaining and not “news” here. Mixing it up. Don’t be a poop.
The Science magazine doesn’t talk about gossips among Nobel laureates, you know…
Dear Alma, though I appreciate your benevolent, albeit borderline Pollyanna response, it seems that your answer might be slightly missing the mark. I’d like to know better if “feeling beat up” is being targeted because they are a violist. Also, is the first violinist attacking other members of the group? I too have been on the receiving end of anti viola sentiment, and viola jokes and stereotypes that were already stale and lazy a hundred years ago, regardless of the quality of my education, preparation, behavior and performance. There is no excuse for this type of entitlement of one person and belittling of another. It is a form of aggression and bullying. So 1. The first violinist is not aware of the impact of her words and actions. 2. She is very much aware that she’s hurting her colleague (and presumably friend). Either way, she needs to be called out. There are are simple phrases that can be used to ease the situation. If the violist is being attacked for being a violist, she can always say something like: “What do you mean”, or “Can you repeat that? I’m not sure I understood what you said”. If it is a personal attack, maybe addressing the fact that they feel attacked, or that she’s uncomfortable with the tone or the demeanor used, can be helpful. Anyway, as violists, we’re good mediators, and like everyone, we deserve respect and rewarding work conditions.
What’s the difference between a viola, and a trampoline?
You have to take your shoes OFF, to jump on the trampoline.
Q: How many first violinists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. They just hold it in place while the world revolves around them.
Q: How many second violinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter, they can’t get up that high.
Cracking, Isaac!
Everyone needs a violist, quit the quartet if the first violinist is a jerk!
The use of rehearsal recordings is will be important to possibly resolve this conflict, because the violist and first will have totally different recollections of “what occurred” if you attempt to discuss with no evidence.
If everyone else agrees the first violinist is not being a good team player in the quartet, that’s easy- drop her and find another violinist. If it’s her quartet, leave together and set up another quartet. If the other two musicians get along well with her and don’t feel there’s anything wrong, you can leave and find another quartet- violists are always in demand. Life’s too short to have to endure toxic folk.
Surely there is some mistake: women just don’t behave like this, only men!! Women good, men bad.
Violist, say to the violinist… “Just tell me what you want different, I’ll try to do that. Save the anger-and-accusation act for someone that display is meaningful to.”
And for those that think that Jazz musicians get along better than Violists and Violinists in quartets, here’s a little nugget to meditate upon:
(From Wikipedia)
“In 1941, Cab Calloway fired Dizzy Gillespie from his orchestra after an onstage fracas erupted when Calloway was hit with spitballs. He wrongly accused Gillespie, who stabbed Calloway in the leg with a small knife”. Ouch!
BTW, the Viola jokes in these comments tend to get boaring. (I’m not a Violist) However, there is one that I find amusing and that we rarely hear about.
It’s the true fact that Jimi Hendrix started out on that instrument before switching over to guitar. (maybe because he couldn’t sink his teeth enough into the strings… 😉
Let’s thank him for outsmarting every Violist and their collection of jokes by having the last laugh!
The violinist is a controlling perfectionist who has an opportunity to take advantage of the other musicians. And violinist consider violists to be failed violin players. Find another group or ask her to leave because she will not change her superior attitude.
This is going from the sublime to the ridiculous! Just can’t wait for the complaint that a bassoon player is beating up an oboist. Or a tuba player is harassing a trombone player. Or the celesta player just attacked the bass drum. Just in case Pixie is reading this and doubting my REAL existence: I am 5 feet 1 inch tall, weigh approx. 45 kg (99 pounds) and if I have a problem with someone I might eventually confide in a good friend, but generally I TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF. I have never let myself be bullied and at almost 78 years of age, I DO NOT INTEND TO START NOW! Bullying requires two people: One who bullies, and one who lets him-/herself be bullied. In the course of my life I have discovered that bullies are NOT strong people, they are WEAK and want desparately cover up their weakness by bullying. NL: (1) Do NOT cancel this comment! (2) Why are you – and with you someone acting as “Agony Aunt Alma” – turing this blog into a confidential corner which is not far from becoming a Lonely Hearts Column? In one comment someone wrote that he was close to blocking this blog. Given the crisis that classical music has been suffering since Covid, I can understand his frustration.