Dear Alma, My dates are put off by violin rash. Help!

Latest advice from our expert agony aunt:

Dear Alma,

Daughter, 22, says she can’t get a date because people see the violin rash on her neck. What shall I tell her?

Concerned Dad

Dear Concerned Dad,

Every occupation has its visible and non-visible side-effects. The exhausted doctor, the odoriferous sanitation engineer, the angry boss.    But in your question I actually see a deeper concern. In a nutshell, I am not convinced that what you hear from your daughter is what she is trying to convey to you, or what she truly means.

But first, let me answer your letter at face value, and offer some options. If a violin mark is the barrier between her and happiness, she can try these things to remove it. Try a hypoallergenic chin rest, a chin rest pad, a cover over the button area, covering the chin rest with a cloth (a la Hilary), wiping her neck with astringent, moisturizing, or just quitting violin if it’s stopping her from finding the love of her life.

Next, if people are thinking that her neck mark is a hickey (and I would assume that having a hickey as a 22 year old person interested in dating would actually be a plus!) and she would like to non-verbally counter that assumption, try wearing violin earrings, a treble clef necklace, or a shirt with André Rieu on it or “I just can’t stop playing my violin!!!” in big dorky letters. Or get the first measure of Ysaÿe Obsession tattooed on her forearm. Something that will start a conversation which will lead the parter to understand the misconstrued visible attribute of her passion.

But really, I would take a step back here and look at the larger picture. Firstly, she might just be trying to get you off her back. Maybe she is bitter that she spent so many years playing violin and is trying to get a little jab at you when you ask her annoying questions about her private life. She’s 22 and a grown woman. As a violinist, she has access to a group of people who would know what a violin hickey is. She can date those people or people like that – artists, people interested in culture. She has dating opportunities around her. If she is trying to date outside of that pool, a pretty wide pool I must say, she is either dabbling in the business class or the underworld (the latter would love a gal with a proudly displayed love bite).

If she is really having trouble dating, it’s her confidence in herself that needs boosting, and hickey or no hickey, that’s a fundamental problem. One which you, as her supportive dad, can discern and help her with. Is she happy, does she have a satisfying job, does she like where she is living?  These are the underlying questions which are screaming to us when we read your query. Give her a hug, bring her out for a pint, and be the ear that she is craving. And stop asking her about her love life. For all we know, she’s got something super spicy cooking and she is just trying to send a smoke screen out over her dear old pop.