Scots, please note: he never played for England

A horrible rumour has been going around to the effect that Peter Oundjian, new music director of the Royal Scottish National Orchestra, once played soccer for the England schoolboys team.

How bad is that? About as awful as vegetarian haggis, or pouring ginger ale in a 30 year-old malt. It would have gone down in Glasgow like a Mars bar fried in vomit.

Happily – and you can always rely on this site for good news – I am in a position to announce that Mr Oundjian never played for England.

I have it on the best authority that he played left midfield for Charterhouse school and was being scouted by Chelsea FC when a torn cartilage at 16 put an end to his dreams of glory and he went back to violin, chastened if not (excuse this) unbowed.

Chelsea’s loss is conducting’s gain. I guess they couldn’t afford him now he’s got HP as his agents.

Happy days.