A horrible rumour has been going around to the effect that Peter Oundjian, new music director of the Royal Scottish National Orchestra, once played soccer for the England schoolboys team.

How bad is that? About as awful as vegetarian haggis, or pouring ginger ale in a 30 year-old malt. It would have gone down in Glasgow like a Mars bar fried in vomit.
Happily – and you can always rely on this site for good news – I am in a position to announce that Mr Oundjian never played for England.
I have it on the best authority that he played left midfield for Charterhouse school and was being scouted by Chelsea FC when a torn cartilage at 16 put an end to his dreams of glory and he went back to violin, chastened if not (excuse this) unbowed.
Chelsea’s loss is conducting’s gain. I guess they couldn’t afford him now he’s got HP as his agents.
Happy days.

A horrible rumour has been going around to the effect that Peter Oundjian, new music director of the Royal Scottish National Orchestra, once played soccer for the England schoolboys team.

How bad is that? About as awful as vegetarian haggis, or pouring ginger ale in a 30 year-old malt. It would have gone down in Glasgow like a Mars bar fried in vomit.

Happily – and you can always rely on this site for good news – I am in a position to announce that Mr Oundjian never played for England.

I have it on the best authority that he played left midfield for Charterhouse school and was being scouted by Chelsea FC when a torn cartilage at 16 put an end to his dreams of glory and he went back to violin, chastened if not (excuse this) unbowed.

Chelsea’s loss is conducting’s gain. I guess they couldn’t afford him now he’s got HP as his agents.

Happy days.

England’s football team threw away its best chance today by announcing Marks & Spencer as supplier of the official team suits. Trust me, nobody wins anything in an M&S suit.

Socks? sure. Underpants? unbeatable. Sweaters? sometimes. But M&S suits have a quality of undesign that make them crumple in all the wrong places and hang like carboard from the rest. Take a look at the squeamish looking team pics released today:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article7127380.ece

Examine what is professionally known as the lunchbox area. Does that look wearable? I am not a fashion fanatic like opera chic nor a professional footballer, but I know the cut of a good jib and M&S just ain’t got it.

You might as well send Wayne Rooney out to play in carpet slippers for all the good these suits will do to England’s chances next month. Who chose that austerity grey, that cheap-look crimpline, those bus-conductor lapels?

Which feeble-minded football official did that scuzzy deal with a high-street chain renowned for everything but its suits? As a cultural commentator, I face many difficult and challenging questions of taste, but this isn’t one of them. It is a total absence of taste.

And this is a team with an Italian in charge, for heaven’s sake. They’ll be a laughing stock on any street in Milano.

Get those suits off before the team gets on the plane.

 

MORE NEWS JUST IN from operachic: Apparently the Italian team are wearing Dolce & Gabbana underpants – at least until they step into the shower, as this video demonstrates.

How can out boys compete with D&G in M&S suits, I ask you!