Exclusive: Royal Albert Hall prepares for audience of 3,000

Our Kensington mole tells us that plans are afoot at the RAH for audiences of up to 3,000 at some of the Christmas spectaculars.

This Covid-era record will be achieved by a novel method of measuring a 1.5 metres distance between people not from their outer extremities but from the centre of each person’s head, thereby saving up to half a metre.

The method has yet to receive Government approval.


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  • I see that this mole is prudent and does not want the same fate that awaited Brad Parscale, who said that a million people were expected in Tulsa (Oklahoma) and in the end the defenestrated guy ended up being the protagonist of an entire SWAT tackle in Florida. Anyway, MAGA!

    • MAGA? What happened to KAG? Did you all decide Keep America Great wasn’t going to fly after three and a half years of descent?

  • That sounds a bit dodgy!

    I’m glad you changed the name of your ‘Knesington’ mole’s location so that his/her whereabouts will remain top secret!

  • just the way to have a merry covid christmas….!
    How irresponsible of the RAH to even consider 3,000 in close proximity of each other all for the sake of making commercial cash at christmas….. hope their reckless plans fail & they behave responsibly like all other concert venues are forced to do…. Just because they are in extreme financial difficulties is no excuse..

  • A recent study in Florida has shown that aerosol of transmission of sars-cov-2 can occur up to 5m, so 1.5m is not far enough. 3000 inside not wearing masks is asking for it. No way will I attend it or similar until its over.

  • Looking at how the Covid-19 pandemic has gone ballistic, I would very much doubt even a pigeon loft would be allowed to stay open.

    BMA have said UK government Cov-19 measures are all at sea, we could well be in total lockdown by Christmas, wise up folks, wear a mask at all times indoors, do not hold house parties, raves or bring 3000 folk into an enclosed space. Wash those hands. Sanitise.

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