Wanted: Nude cellist for wedding (gender specific)

Wanted: Nude cellist for wedding (gender specific)


norman lebrecht

August 04, 2016

The following ad has appeared on Craigslist.

It is not an equal opportunity vacancy, being limited to female applicants.

It is also musically illiterate (anyone know a concerto by a beatified Irishman?). And possibly a sign of our times.

charlotte moorman0

Image: The celebrated modernist Charlotte Moorman (1933-1991)

Seeking a naked female cellist for wedding 

compensation: 500 or more

Seeking a cellist to play at my wedding at nudist resort in North Georgia. Classical music. This is a serious ad. Paying serious money. You really do need to be able to play the cello. If you can play the St Sean concerto you’re hired


  • will says:

    The ‘beatified Irishman’ could be Stanford ( who didn’t write a cello concerto, only a violin concerto); or Moeran, who DID write a cello concerto but who was neither Irish ( although he loved Ireland) nor ‘beatified’. This latter somewhat inappropriate word in this context is probably a silly substitute for ‘knighted’.

  • Dr Presume says:

    Saint-Saens, surely…

  • Roxanne says:

    Or could be Saint-Saens, since the Craigslist guy had probably heard it said and not seen it written. Also since it’s a pretty well-known cello concerto. Pretty sure “beatified Irishman” was a joke based on the misspelling, Will.


    Image: Did this lady always play the cello the wrong way round, or just when she took her clothes off?

  • Wai Kit Leung says:

    I am sure the “beatified Irishman” comment is meant to be a joke

  • Paul Davis says:

    If it is indeed the Saint-Songs con-shirt-ho – or rather sans shirt…oh, will the accompanist(s) also need to be naked? Amazing what nudists resort to!

  • Paul Rapoport says:

    Channelling Charlotte…even if the ad does not indicate what the cellist may wear.

  • Alexander says:

    If somebody is beatified he or she is called “Blessed”. A saint is typically said to have been canonized, though he or she may also have been beatified at an earlier stage in the process.

    It’s rather strange that a naturist should specify that the cellist must be female, since this suggests that sexual and/or aesthetic factors are being brought into consideration. It has always been my understanding that genuine naturists take no sexual interest in the naked human body and that they regard all body types with indifference.

  • Stephen Morris says:

    Where is her G string

    • Paul Davis says:

      Where indeed? Wear or not to wear? Should one be worn? Should one warn her that her G string will be worn out by Saint-Sawn’s so-low performance?
      This music will be a nudiscovery.

  • Paul Davis says:

    Possibly the client had heard of Sir Thomas Beecham’s celebrote remark: “Madam, between your legs you have an instrument capable of giving pleasure……….” In this case the Saint would be Sean and not heard. This is what we really nude to know.

    • Paul Davis says:

      I should add, knowing the predilictions of nudists these days, that the Saint would have to be Shorn. Sorry, just an attempt to razor titter, but this is a subject to be disgust in another ah-tickle.

  • Una says:

    Nearly as good a joke as that lovely Irish singer, Marie O’Lanza! And I can laugh as I’m Irish! But as for the cellist …

  • SavetheMet says:

    Will give an entirely new meaning to Sir Thomas Beecham’s line, “Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!”

  • Paul Rapoport says:

    I declare Mr. Davis the winner of this competition. He’s not at all clothes-minded.