White. Male. Tory.
Today should have been the deadline for applications, but the DCMS awoke to realise that there are only two halfway credible candidates and both are drawn from the same narrow genetic spectrum. And both vote to the right.
The deadline (we hear) has been hastily extended to next week and phones are being frantically hit to find a presentable woman candidate of possible non-British ancestry who might make the shortlist look even remotely unrigged.
The outgoing chairman, Peter Bazalgette, was shoehorned into the job by his hunt crony, Heremy Junta.
The selection panel this time round is chaired by Sandy Nairne, retired director of the National Portrait Gallery.
Trouble is, no-one wants the job. The pay is 40k and the strings are pulled by Whitehall. The organisation is flabby, incapable of booking a chorus at the Coliseum (see protesters, below).
Sensible women just laugh when they are asked to apply for the chairmanship.