Hot tip: How to be #1 in the classical chartsmain
The trial of two Italian sisters accused of defrauding the art collector Charles Saatchi and his celebrity chef ex-wife Nigella Lawson has yielded much testimony of the careless lives of the super-rich and some tips on how to get that way.
For instance, creating your own best-selling book. Charles Saatchi did it, allegedly, by sending aides to buy copies of My Name Is Charles Saatchi and I Am An Artoholic at stores that are monitored for the best-seller charts. ‘I took out £200 and we would go around different stores across London four times a week, Waterstones and also Amazon. All of the staff had to do it,’ testified one of the defendants.
Think how much easier it would be to rig the classical charts. In the US, 500 sales buys you a classical number one. In Britain, 200 should do it. Give your PR £2,000 and get her to buy 200 of your CDs in the week after Christmas. Then announce yourself as the UK #1.
It’s so easy I’m surprised artists aren’t doing it already. Or are they?
(I have my suspicions about those humming nuns.)